遮就是我的故鄉---外垵
Waian, My Mother by Lee Hsiu
When I was notified about a meeting in Penghu, my heart started to beat faster. I put the letter carefully into my handbag to accompany me as I went joyfully back and forth between home and office every day. Hiding my great joy, I thanked my boss who gave me the opportunity to attend this meeting so that I could go back to Waian, Penghu, and the hometown of my dear parents.
One friend said, “We have been deceived by Lee Hsiu. She always told us that Penghu is such a wonderful place. Actually, it is not. Because the bad weather of northeast monsoons makes us uncomfortable, we don’t like Penghu at all.”
In each place in the world, there are always some fascinating sights to visit, according to how each person feels about the area. I have already gone to Waian several times as if a spirit inside me often tempts me to go there, but the more I go there, the more wonderful I feel.
For example, if I hear the northwest wind blowing in Taiwan, I might think I am in Penghu because Penghu has this kind of wind. If I see clothes swaying with the wind under the sun, I might think that I am looking at another view of Penghu. If I smell fishlike air in the sunshine, I might think that I am near the squid lying down on the Laoku Stone shining bright as a crowd of sea-birds flies over the sea…these countless memories always surround my mind.
Why do I have these strong feelings? Because Penghu is where my parents’ hearts started to beat and where their feet walked when they were children. If I want to touch my mother again I knew I need to go to Waian where she was born; even when I hear the Penghu accent I am reminded of my parents.
The first time I went to Penghu with my mother was when I had just graduated from high school. I became seriously seasick while on the long ocean voyage. Even though my mother did her best to comfort me, she couldn’t reduce my suffering. At that time, I thought Penghu was a dump. I made a tearful vow: I would not go to this damned place again.
I am the only daughter with four elder brothers in my family. Three generations of our family had no female children until my mother gave birth to me, so she was very proud of me. Not surprisingly, I was pampered through out my childhood.
In my memory, my visit to Penghu was a disaster. Thinking about it, the place had no running water, no power. Instead, everywhere there were a lot of flies, mosquitoes, cockroaches. Each time I went to the bathroom I needed to hold my breath because the smell was so awful. Moreover, I had to refer to many people who had dirty bare feet as “Uncle” or “Auntie”. Additionally, I have hated pork skin since I was a child, so of course, their dinners always included this kind of the dish.
All in all, there were so many unpleasant events that I became a cold young lady constantly expressing my negative feelings in front of my warm friends and relatives. However, these villagers not only accepted me but they also helped me to find excuses for my impolite manners, such as being unfamiliar or not acclimatized.
Mother originally planned to stay for one week, but I cried and complained continually, so we just stayed three days and went back to Kaohsiung. I said at this time that the Waian trip was my unhappiest travel experience. My mother also said that she wouldn’t bring me to her home country again. Yes, she was never to accompany me to Penghu again, because two years later she left this world to travel to another place that I couldn’t follow her to.
However, how could she know that my most treasured memory would become our trip to Waian? My dear mother! I hope you can come and go freely to Penghu in heaven. But I feel an overwhelming desire to go there with you.
After my father retired, we would go back to Penghu once a year. Each time the booming economy had a different style. But I had the feeling of having lost something very precious because I always desired to see everything the way it was when I was there with my mother. At the time we were together, I didn’t appreciate the beauty of Waian, even the dirty bare feet of my relatives. Now I went all out to capture the images of that time. I really had been a stupid young woman.
It was true; I had a deep feeling for Waian. Therefore, when I received the letter about the Penghu meeting, I was so excited. I remembered visiting Penghu three years ago. Three years! What had happened during these three years in my home country?
The airplane landed at the spacious Makung Airport and I walked to the parking area. A strong northwest wind kissed my face and felt like my mother’s warm hug. From the airport to the urban area is a broad smooth road and on both sides there is a forest of sparse bee wood little trees that lead to the vast sea. What a place of desolation and beauty! Here my loving mother was waiting for me.
My Penghu colleagues welcomed us and we were introduced to the magnificent hotel were we’d be staying. When we arrived at the hotel, I immediately put down my baggage and rushed to the window to look outside, hoping to see my mother. Here was what I wanted to see. Look! My mother was walking from the west side. Her hair was combed behind her head and her loose Taiwanese dress was the familiar style she always wore. Yes, she was my mother, who was the woman I admired most from morning to night… Mama, please wait for me…I am here…
“Lee Hsiu, what are you doing? Do you want to kill yourself?” My colleague shouted at me. She thought I was doing a crazy exercise. When she yelled at me, my mind returned to my real situation and I pulled back from the window I had been about to jump from to go to my mother. Actually, this action had happened several times before. The first time was just a few days after my mother had passed away. After that, I was warned by Father that I couldn’t go near the window to look at the street.
Even though mother had passed away more than ten years ago, Mother’s figure still stayed in my deep memory. It is said that a French poetess was so addicted to the sea that finally she threw herself into the sea and then she belonged to the sea forever. I had a very similar idea. I loved mother so much that I really wanted to be with her forever.
The meeting place was Makung, but Waian was where I longed to go. According to the agenda, when we finished the meeting, we could go on a tour and visit for half a day. Unfortunately, Waian hadn’t been included, so I needed to make my own plan if I really wanted to go there.
Time was limited. I would have to hurry to catch the first bus to Waian and then I must take the 11 oclock bus back to Makung to catch the 12 o’clock airplane to Kaohsiung. My colleagues strongly advised against me going to Waian. It was too risky to do this thing because of our tight schedule. However, if I didn’t go there, I would be an unfilial daughter since my mother would be waiting for me to meet her in Waian. Anyway, I absolutely had to go there.
According to plan, I took the first bus to Waian to look for my mom. Waking up before dawn was a familiar custom for me. When I was going to high school, I needed to take the first train from Kaohsiung to Bingdong to study. My mother woke up before dawn to prepare my breakfast and lunch so that I would get to school on time everyday. I remember my mother’s uncombed hair as she did everything for me. Now this image of her was in my mind as the bus swayed along the road to Waian. The morning breeze softly touching my face felt like Mom’s gentle comforting. Mother! You filled my life everywhere I went, but where was the real you?
At last I arrived at my deeply missed hometown. Auntie Yi was already waiting for me at the bus stop.
She hurried to talk to me, “After you called me yesterday, I immediately asked my friend to help me catch several fish for you. You should have call me earlier so that I could have prepared more items for you.”
“Auntie Yi, Why do I come here? I just want to look at the scenery and breathe in all the smells of Waian. It is enough. I don’t need anything else from here.”
When we walked on top of the breakwater, I wanted to touch the water that surrounded us but it was too far down from me.
“There is a government project that wants to drain away a lot of sea water so we can have more land to expand our economy. They also want to add a wharf over there. If they do so, we will not only have more conveniences for our villagers, but it will be really good for Waian’s prosperity.” Auntie Yi delightedly informed me here. Yet I felt like I was losing something important, with all this change, I was a little disappointed. I said, “I won’t be able to swim here anymore.”
After that, Auntie Yi accompanied me to a grocery store, and I bought a lot of things to give her, because she wouldn’t take my money for the fish.
“What are you doing?” She refused my gift to her.
“Auntie Yi, all these things still can’t express my high regard for you.” She was my mother’s best friend when they were children. Visiting her was like visiting my mother.
“She is Chou Lana’s daughter, who is a wonderful girl. If Chou Lana were living, she would be proud of this child.” My Auntie was proudly introducing me to friends and relatives that we met during our walk around town.
I felt so ashamed that I pulled strongly on her hand to tell her she didn’t need to brag so much when she introduced me to others. In fact, I just wanted to remember my mother silently. Arriving at this land, my tears flowed more and more. Taking the return bus, I cried all the way, crying my mother’s voice, crying my mother’s walking style, crying my mother looking after me …I cried for the happy memories, but also I cried for how sad I was.
Auntie Yi said, “You must come back here more often. Your mother’s hometown is your hometown.”
Yes. Yes. Mother’s Waian Village will always be my Waian.
