台英雙語散文
是伊幸福? 抑是我幸福? 代誌是按呢的------
彼冬的春天，阮親像熟似甲幾世紀晉前就相捌，不而過閣親像生份到毋知欲講啥物話的生份。頭一遍的約會，兩人就按呢恬恬散步佇高雄愛河的柳樹跤，遙看面前的水波閃閃，干單三不五時鳥隻飛過樹尾，引來一寡春的氣絲仔爾爾，無澎湃的激情，無親像小說講的彼種予人心有詩意的情調。講較準確，我親像咧實行人生一項公式的任務仝款。兩人就按呢行到一半晡久，愈行愈感覺有夠無聊，我講我欲轉去矣，伊才緊張閣大舌懇求我是毋是有後遍的約會。
牽紅線的人就是伊的厝主，對眼前的這个人呵咾甲會觸舌，這个厝主胡太太本來想講肥水無流過坵，準備欲紹介予家己的查某孫仔，然後這個查某孫仔嘛誠有佮意。不而過，落花有意，流水無情，所致伊的厝主就想著我，伊講愛純情的少女較有法度四配伊這个厝跤。但是唯一的缺點就是古意到「可憐」的程度。對看的晉前伊是按呢形容伊，我嘛真好玄，伊是啥物款的人。位這遍的約會，我體會到內底的滋味矣，真正是白汫無味。但是遙看愛河頂小水會當長流的波影，我輕輕仔點頭，答應後遍的約會。
毋過彼款的輕輕仔的頓頭，大概毋是代表我的心意。轉厝了後，予鋼琴的旋律塞滇到袂記得約會的代誌。是命運之神咧操作？抑是心閣有一點仔通？平常時暗時十一點了後，是袂出門的。彼日琴練了後，竟然想欲出去巷仔口行行咧。當我拍開門，雄雄閃出一个人影，月光下，猶原看會出對方歡喜閣著急的跤步衝到我的面頭前來。當我提著總頭的時，我按呢共伊試探：「汝五點就來遮矣？」伊痴情一直頓頭，無一點仔受氣，嘛無問是按怎我會失約，反顛倒講：「我就知影汝會來。」
啥人講伊古意到可憐？干單一個月的功夫，我就變成伊的俘虜，想欲走嘛走袂去矣，上重要的是根本就無袂逃走，我跋落去伊的濃情蜜意的坑崁裡。我有一个弱點，甘願別人辜負我，我袂隨便拒絕人的好意，莫講是面對遮呢癡情佮純情的人。講良心話，我的理想對象，應該是一个足感性的人才對，遺憾是伊獨獨欠這點。不而過「花袂使無蝶，山袂使無泉，喬木袂使無藤蘿，人袂使無癖」，這是自然生態矣！人既然無可能十全十美，伊的優點會當彌補伊的缺點。序大的時常按呢講，嫁予愛妳的人，比嫁予妳愛的人，較幸福。為著趕緊掠著幸福，閣再講伊佇南部出差的期間嘛直欲結束，對看兩個月了後，伊就提出訂婚的請求，當然我嘛無啥考慮就答應伊。
有一遍夢見我参伊攏是生份人，醒來的時才發現阮互相是不止仔親密，異性的接觸大概是按呢矣，毋是生份就是親密！好比生命仝款，晉前嘛好，歇睏嘛好，就是袂當兩項攏有。
伊講過，伊的愛至死都袂煞，佇我看來，伊是這世人猶原無夠氣，欲閣佮我緣定來生。我的一切苦難，伊攏欲幫我分擔，干單生囝、做人的新婦、做兄嫂的滋味，無法度分攤。自按呢伊後出世準備欲做查某的，予我快快樂樂做一个查甫的，講甲上帝親像是伊咧做的仝款。
位阮熟似開始伊就表示過，欲拍拼做一个標準的尪婿、友孝的囝婿、負責任的老爸、認真的土木工程師….相伴幾十冬以來，我看伊已經超過標準誠濟矣。我的查某伴做夥攏會比較，自按呢伊變成我的女同事欣羨的對象，但是伊嘛害in的尪婿欲揣伊算數，因為伊建立一个「歹」模樣。
只因為伊一心一意準備欲予人，但是天不從人願，我一點一滴幫贊in厝的經濟漸漸好起來，另外嘛閣愛拼命舞伊無仝個性的兄弟姐妹之間。欲結婚晉前就有人講我誠好膽，一个驕生慣養的人敢嫁一个有四个小妹的家庭。
伊捌講過，伊比西周君子較幸福，因為伊毋免受過層層的考驗，就會當娶著伊所思慕的窈窕淑女。原底伊應該好好珍惜，但是家境予伊心愛的人受著誠濟的委曲。因此，伊彼種無盡的情意、無數的愧疚，所迸發出來的愛，就親像欲用規个沙漠去愛一叢仙人掌仝款。
因為伊的真情，才會當維持這段婚姻，嘛因為伊的疼惜，予我有一份依靠。問題我毋是活佇沙漠內面，我是生存佇一片肥軟的土地上。我無需要傷濟的照顧，就會當活甲眞四序。我有我的事業、我的思想、我的興趣，我無可能是伊的影（形影不離）。比如，佇伊的濃情蜜意之下，袂放心我單獨出門，袂放心我一个人開車，袂放心我家已坐飛機…。
假使我若生長佇沙漠內底，抑是久病倒佇眠床頂，阮有可能是一對值得呵咾的恩愛夫妻，因為我必須愛伊的照顧，按呢就無啥物寃家矣。
平常時的寃家，攏是伊予人的傷濟。我無愛伊對家己遐刻薄，囝兒嘛有同感，講老爸誠毋捌生活的情調，一家四个人做夥耍較心適，為啥物干單阮三个人享受爾爾，伊獨獨愛佇邊仔欣賞就好，比論講，阮上愛食的物件就是伊上無愛食的物件。伊講，看著阮快樂就是伊上大的幸福，位毋甘到真正討厭伊的做法。隨在阮按怎提出抗議，伊猶原改袂過來，誠實本性難移啊! 伊就是有赫濟的氣力為伊的某囝勞苦，看伊甘之如飴，也就順伊矣，不而過怨言猶原存在。黃友棣教授講阮實在「人在福中不知福」，厝裡有一个活佛，攏袂曉欣賞。
活佛？大概嘛是忍別人無法度忍受的代誌矣。伊表示過只要會當予我快樂的人，伊攏欲感激，誠實的? 假使我若有男朋友呢? 按呢伊毋就變成是古早彼个「芸娘」，我是「沈三白」？若是按呢，實在予人感動，假若無試過，毋知成果如何。不而過有一點會當肯定，便若是佮我有關係的物件，伊一概照單全收，人所講的「惜花連盆」。莫講是我的朋友，就是我用過的化粧盒，伊攏毋甘擲捨，因為in捌参我遮爾貼身相親。猶閣有，伊友孝丈人爸以及敬愛我的兄嫂，愈是無話講的。
但是汝幫我想看覓，一日長lo-lo，假使無早起佮暗時，規日攏曝佇大日頭跤，毋是予燒死，嘛會臭火焦。我時常為著欲收束伊的熱度，我會潑伊的冷水，但是自頭到尾攏無法度降低伊的温度。我請伊饒命矣！我予你的愛，翕到即馬無氣矣。假使我真正受氣起來，是淡薄仔有效。啊! 干單為著爭取「減愛我一點矣！」我感覺眞悿!
日子親像紡絲，幾十冬的歲月也一路相伴落來，終其尾嘛隨在伊去愛矣，甚至變成一種習慣。國父誕辰一百廿週年紀念日，是阮結婚廿週年。從事歌詞寫作五十年的韋瀚章教授，位香港寄來一帖墨寶，感動甲伊跳跤趒蹄，因為這首以「西江月」的調式，引用天祥道中的景色，所書寫的祝賀詞，講出伊內心的世界。
“曲徑颶輪相接，巖邊燕子穿梭，岡陵抱翠石嵯峨，隱約遊人個個。
我愛山容嫵媚，問山看我如何，放懷仰首恣呵呵，引動群山笑我。”
就准講阮恥笑伊、嫌伊囉唆，伊猶原無時無陣舉頭直直行，猶原據在愛伊某囝的愛嬌。真袂當阻止伊一路行來，執意欣賞彼片巖邊的飛燕的穿梭，岡陵抱翠石的雅興。
彼年查某囝考著音樂系，去臺北讀冊。第一遍離開厝，毋知愛女會慣勢無？佳哉伊老爸一禮拜去看伊一遍，一來會當解決伊老爸思女的情懷，二來嘛解決我的割腸割肚的掛念。但是有一暝伊雄雄拍電話轉來，叫老父毋通閣去揣伊矣。佇電話彼爿按呢解釋，一方面來毋甘老爸的南北奔波，一方面伊的同學攏笑伊誠低路，啥物代誌攏愛老爸款好好。是啊，查某囝大漢矣，事事項項會當家己處理矣。既然查某囝有這款想法，我就叫伊莫去台北，對伊講了後伊竟然一直悶悶不樂，無愛予伊操勞嘛誠袂使得！
「親愛的，啉一杯牛奶矣！較早睏也，明仔載閣愛上班呢。」我想講伊猶原閣咧受氣，我深深看伊，伊頭犂犂按呢講﹕「我嘛莫愛去，只是驚伊想厝。既然恁攏反對我去，我就莫去矣。」一陣牛奶的芳味位伊的手抱心傳來，其實我一點都袂枵，我順從伊的意歡歡喜喜啉落去，而且予伊一个誠媠的笑容。我這个小動作竟然予伊歡喜甲跳起來﹕「我就知影汝會枵，我閣去泡一杯，好無?」這款例誠濟，時常佇生活的點滴之中。
朋友攏講我是一个誠幸福的人，但是我感覺伊比我較幸福，因為伊知影按怎欣賞山容的愛嬌，無管山容無時無刻用尻脊骿對伊。
即馬，山容經過五分之一世紀的山崩地裂，差不多是面目全非，路已斷，糧食已絕，而且已經退到自我療傷的地步。不而過，我發現，伊對山容的旨意一直無改變、嘛無想欲結束，伊猶原佮以前仝款，甚至愈珍惜山容的歷劫歸來。
位伊的身軀頂，我學會曉欲按怎欣賞別人，並毋是一直那予別人欣賞。當暴風雨來的時，浪漫的歌曲佇嘴舌死亡，新的旋律已經位學習中昇起，我領悟著一切鑿耳的、無和諧的，攏融化成一片安適的和音。我展開現有的雙翼，親像一隻飛渡海洋自由自在的海鳥，唱出滿意的歌聲。
是伊幸福? 抑是我幸福?
Who Is the Lucky One? by Lee Hsiu
Is he Happy? Or am I happy? Let me explain what the problem is:
One afternoon at the beginning of spring, my future husband and I walked slowly along Love River which is not only the place for a date with lovers, but also has a quality suggestive of poetry. However, I felt neither poetic intensity nor affection. We had known each other for a long time, but we still didn’t know how to talk to each other. When I said I would go home, he anxiously proposed our next date.
It was his landlady who had introduced him to me. She trusted his courteous nature, which she thought would be a good match for a woman who was both innocent and compassionate. The landlady had been sincerely looking for the right one for him for a long time. At last, she found me to match her unique tenant. She also said that, although he was perfect, he still had a little bit of weakness. He was too introverted for women to find him attractive.
Yes, I experienced his weakness when we first met. Though I was really bored with such an insipid person, I gave him a friendly nod when he made a request for another date. A nod that I didn’t really mean. Therefore, I totally forgot about our date because of the musical notes that filled my mind and soul as I played the piano. Was I fated to be with him? Later, I wondered what my motive was in going out for a walk after having played the piano that midnight.
A person appeared at my door as I opened it. I didn’t know what was happening. Here was this man who was excited at my presence. He hurried to me.
“Did you come here at five o’clock?” I recalled what time we should have met.
“Yes! I trust you! I knew we would be meeting again.”
“Have you been waiting here for six hours?”
“Doesn’t matter, I enjoy the surroundings in which you live.”
Who said he was a simple man? In my opinion, not only was he an energetic engineer, but also an enthusiastic lover. After two months, I became his wife.
He may have called me his all and offered me his devotion every moment. However, I considered that his passion was not only for this present life, but he wanted it to continue into the afterlife. How could I explain the look of adoration in his every action? Yes, his love was like a waterfall. “I give my whole water in joy,” sings the waterfall, though a little of it would be enough to quench one’s thirst. However, things didn’t turn out as he wished. After we married, not only did I need to help his family turn the corner financially, but I also needed to have total patience and tolerance to deal with his five siblings.
As an example, my husband’s older sister was a vain and arrogant woman, whereas I was a practical and humble one. There were huge differences in our viewpoints. Consequently, I didn’t like her at all. She always dressed in my clothes or used my cosmetics without my permission. Finally when I found something missing from my closet, I hit the ceiling about her bad manners. Once she turned me off completely. The day she asked me to teach her piano, I told her I had no time. Immediately, she complained to her brother, and then she spilled a cup of dirty water on my dear piano so that my beautiful musical instrument couldn’t be played for some time. I was furious, and it almost caused a divorce.
Although he blessed me for becoming his spouse, my husband’s family burdened me greatly. It is the undeniable truth that his mercy and trustworthiness resulted in keeping our marriage together; indeed, I depended on his protection a lot. On the other hand, I had my career and my own ideas and interests, so that I didn’t need any more safeguards in my life. For instance, he was always fearful when I was unaccompanied, or I drove alone or I flew abroad. Moreover, he deeply appreciated anything I loved. And so I wondered if he would care if I had an affair?
If he hadn’t given me so much love that it made me feel suffocated, I wouldn’t have quarrelled with him; in fact, I didn’t like that he was extremely unkind to himself and placed too much focus on me. The children also complained “Why doesn’t Papa share our happiness?” Yes, he enjoyed seeing our delight, but he didn’t care about himself at all. My friends said, “He is like a Buddha incarnated in your family.” His behavior made them envious.
But leisure in its activity is work; the stillness of the sea stirs in waves. In these ways, life seems to form a balance, in other words, it’s like a circle in the universe. I suppose if the earth just had sunshine, but not morning light, dark clouds or the afterglow of sunset, it would burn everything.
” Please! Don’t give me so much love,” I exclaimed at last. “Or I will be overloaded by your extreme affection. You know, too much is as bad as not enough.”
“I am sorry, my dear! I just try to do my best to please you. If it burdens you, I will change my behavior.”
So we made a deal, but his previous attitude was back in a few days. In the depths of his mind, it seemed that there was no willingness to persist in charging his behavior. I had to accept him as he was.
Now the sky gradually grows darker; and before long a moonbeam streams through the windowpanes and Chopin’s Nocturne melody fills every corner of our house. Our daughter has gone to Taipei for her music studies. I worry about her adaptation to her new environment because it is her first time away from home. Fortunately her father has managed to visit her every week. Now, we can stop worrying about our beloved daughter.
However, this morning we got a call from our daughter. She asked that her father not visit her so frequently. “My classmates tease me as a child that never left the nest. I feel disabled.” Yes, our little princess is growing rapidly and becoming a mature student. She also emphasized, “Dad, please don’t come to Taipei tonight!” For this reason, he feels anxious the whole day, whether sitting or standing. Poor guy! If we urge him to pay less attention to us, he feels restless with nervousness.
“Honey, it’s midnight, you need to wake up early tomorrow, and you should go to bed.” I fear that he is becoming depressed. Instead, he offers me a cup of hot milk.
“I am worrying that she might feel homesick. If you both don’t like me to go to Taipei, of course, I will listen to you!”
I smile at him gratefully while drinking the hot milk; even though I am not thirsty at all.
“I know you are thirsty!” He is as satisfied as if it’s our first date.
Friends see me as a lucky woman. I consider that he is luckier than I am because he really understands how to appreciate the beauty of our family, whatever we are doing.
Nevertheless, the problem at this time is that a violent emotional storm has damaged our relationship of over twenty years. I thought that my voyage had come to its end because my beauty was diminishing. But now I see that he will find no end to the beauty in me and I am also learning from him how to appreciate the beauty in him. Thus, all that is harsh and dissonant in my life melts into one sweet harmonious melody, and I spread my own wings like a gleeful seagull as it begins its flight across the ocean.
And so I ask myself: Who is the lucky one?
