I really want to ask why, why have Chinese people encountered such disasters? Chinese people have enough disasters since the unification of the Qin Dynasty two thousand years ago. They suffered from the absolutism and corruption of dynasties and the intrusions of Imperialism. The emergence of Dr. Sun Yat-Sen and the revolutionaries, establishment of the Republic of China and the occurrence and enlightenment of the “movement of 4th of May” had given hopes to Chinese people of their liberty and prosperity. But the autocracy of Jiang Kai-Shek and the coming of the CCP into power annihilated the little light.
I really want to ask why, why has my mother nation developed to become such a monster?
Country is a means, while people are the target. Country is a ruling machine which is established to protect rights and benefits of people. It is not possible for us to find out which system of government is fully effective in serving for these purposes, but as we see, democracy is far better than autocracy and totalitarianism. U.S. citizens are willing and able to make contributions to the development of their country because they enjoy liberty, but Chinese people can only be ruled—they can only obey but not choose. They cannot decide their future. They cannot choose who will be their rulers, unlike the U.S. and the other democracies. There are also elections in China, but the right of voters to know things about candidates is harshly restricted by the government. Some mass media companies are trying to test the limits of the government, but some of them went across it and were ordered to close. Citizens of China have many complaints in their hearts, but there are only few of them who dare to spread their ideas, and some of them are even arrested. They always hope that the central government will do something to stop the corruption, but they never know that it is the problem of the whole government system, in which local officers are just like emperors of their counties and towns, and there are also corruptions in the central government. They can and dare do nothing but hope and complain in their hearts. They are dominated by consent.
There is a “Bill of Rights” in the constitution of the U.S., which is passed because of the force given by people to the congress.
There is also a constitution in China, but there is an article in it, mentioning that it insists the ruling of the CCP—is there such an article in that of real democracies? Is there any law saying that the country must be ruled by the Democrats, Republicans, Labor Party, or Social Democrats?
It is ridiculous.
There is one thing which is even more ridiculous, in which people also supported this article. They agreed that they should advocate the CCP no matter how it treats people. They only want the “emperor” to be more enlightened.
This was my “mother country”, the P.R.C.
Reaching this point, the scene before my eyes became misty. My eyes were covered by two pieces of translucent curtains, one by each.
The P.R.C. is no more my mother country. My motherland is China. My mother country is China. The P.R.C. is only a political entity, but not a container of nationalist emotion.
I regretted very much that I considered the flag of the P.R.C. as the representative of my country and people. It is not our representative, as it is only a machine operated by a party, but not people. Not a single idea from people can influence the P.R.C.
Reaching this point, I was angry. I wanted to burn up the whole flag. The red background colour of the flag stands for revolution namely, but in my eyes, it represents blood of Chinese people. I cannot do this in China, as it goes against the “law of national flag and sign”. There are people who were arrested in Hong Kong because they burnt the flag of the P.R.C. during demonstration. So how is the situation in the Mainland? It is not necessary for me to tell. I also cannot write such an essay in China, as you wouldn’t see me the next day after I displayed it to the public. Even Dr. Jiang, who is worldwide famous. for his revealing the secret of and controlling the severe situation of SARS in Beijing, was taken away by the police and underwent “thought education” because he wrote a letter to the central government to demand for the redressing of the grievance of the “Incident of 4th June”. What will happen to me, who is an anonymous pro-democrat student?
It is a very tough task to accelerate democratic reformation in a Socialist country. It is even more difficult to do so in a country whose people are willing to be ruled by an autocratic party. Being a pre-intellectual, what can I do for the country? I looked up and prayed to God for an answer, but no response was given.
Seeing the happy American leaving, I wept, and went back to my room, to start writing essays.
I will try my best to enlighten Chinese people. Before that, I have to get myself enlightened.
However, is that really helpful? Lu Xun, Qian Zhongshu, Hu Shi, and many other Chinese intellectual have tried their very best to finish this job, but they are all defeated by the great power.
Is my hope purely imaginary? Is my wish permanently unreachable? I looked up and prayed to God for an answer, but again no response was given.
Watching the television video of the “Incident of 4th June”, I cried.
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