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張耀仁小說〈貓,以及其他〉(Cats, et cetera)中英文對照之一

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明:本文原載2009年4月號《聯合文學》,後經中華民國筆會(The Taipei Chinese Center, International P.E.N.)英譯,刊載於2010年冬季號《中華民國筆會季刊》。另,本文收入張耀仁短篇小說集《親愛練習》(九歌出版)

 

黑夜來臨之前,小貓甫出世:通體濕潤、眼翳灰薄,呦呦呦呦喚來母貓溫柔舔舐,連帶使人無法漠視其下血跡斑斑——起於生產時體液失禁的緣故,瓦楞紙箱一寸一寸變濕變軟,原本的泥黃更形泥黃,彷彿一塊厚重的土地默默承受著生靈亂踢亂扭。

The kittens came into the world before dusk, their bodies slick, their eyes covered by a grey film. Waaaaaaa: Their mewling summoned their mother, who started gently licking them, leaving her unable to ignore the disconcerting sight of blood underneath: Due to the mother’s incontinence during the delivery, the corrugated cardboard box was now going damp and soft inch by inch, its muddy yellow color seeming all the muddier. It was like a heavy clump of earth silently enduring the squirming vigor of the living.

 

出其不意,母貓咬了小貓後頸一口。

Then, without warning, the mother cat snapped at the scruff of the neck of one of the kittens.

 

她蹲在紙箱旁,目睹這一幕驚心,並不覺得特別意外。經驗告訴她,母貓甚至會毫不猶豫地將小貓吞腹,只因人們過於欺近的氣味侵擾了這一親愛時刻。所以,她轉身至那扇落地窗前,望見遠處街燈閃亮如刀,刀尖劃開夜幕,往前去,許是發生了車禍,光痕糾纏,像一團亂得無論如何也難以解套的心緒。

她叫。

指甲縫裡滲出血絲。這麼多年來,即使鑲了水晶亮片,咬指甲的習慣改不掉就是改不掉,總是在心煩時咬下一小片,最後變成了剝——沿著指甲邊緣一條一條撕下泛黃的皮屑——「為什麼還不來呢?」她瞟著鐘,時針與分針幾乎快重疊至同一暗影上,也不知多久了,小貓的毛絮依然黏膩,一隻隻宛如皺眉皺臉的粉紅幼鼠。

Crouching by the box, she witnessed the shocking scene without being particularly surprised. Experience told her that the mother cat might even swallow the kitten without thinking, simply because the smell of a human trespasser, overwhelmingly near, had disturbed the intimacy of the moment. So she turned away and went over to the full-length window. A distant street light was flashing, slashing like a knife through the curtain of night. Farther off, it seemed there’d been a traffic accident. There was a confusion of flashing lights, like a mess of thoughts one could never unravel. She gasped as blood seeped out from the groove around her fingernail. She’d been biting her nails for so many years now; she’d even glued on acrylic glitter nails, but a habit was a habit. Whenever she was anxious she’d start biting off little pieces and end up stripping the yellowish skin around her nails. “Still not here?” She glanced at the clock – the minute hand had almost overtaken the hour hand, their shadows nearly superimposed – but she didn’t know how long it had been: Their fur still sticky, the kittens looked like baby mice with wrinkled faces.

 

也就是準備打電話之際,窗外猛然躍起極長極長的煞車聲,淒厲傳送得極遠極遠,七月天,理應無風時節,滿室竟洶湧著凜凜寒意,那些懸掛於牆的明星海報啪啪翻動,令人感到異樣的惶惶的不安。

唯獨她不急不徐,輕撫肚子說:「乖,別怕唷,媽咪在這裡唷。」

Just as she was getting ready to make a call, she heard the sudden sound of braking outside. It was a long, drawn out screech, a chilly sound from a long way off. July is not a windy month, but chilly drafts were raging through the room. Vexingly, they flapped the posters of celebrities hanging on the wall. But she remained calm and composed. Stroking her belly, she said: “Such a good little baby! Don’t be scared, Mommy’s here.”

 

呦呦呦呦。

啪啪啪啪。

Waaaaaaa.

Pitter patter.

 

聲音塞滿耳朵之際,站在路旁的瑪麗亞睜大了眼,無法相信老人就這麼躺在地上不動了。

Noise filled her ears. Standing at the side of the road, the Indonesian caregiver Maria’s eyes opened wide. She couldn’t believe it: an old man just lying there on the road, unmoving.

 

來來往往的人影、喇叭聲、叫嚷——瑪麗亞未嘗料到這個週末會以這樣的畫面開場——她將霹靂腰包繫得更緊更緊,停留一會,想起什麼地,趕忙往騎樓快步走去。

夏夜炎熱,熱氣一蓬一蓬重壓下來,每張臉孔皆顯得凌擾而不確定。溽漬變成怎麼甩也甩不掉的小孩,攀上肩頸、捏住喉嚨,使得瑪麗亞同樣流了一臉汗,不時走進店家貪圖短暫涼快,卻惹來店員飽含敵意的側目。

People coming and going, honking, shouting – Maria had never imagined the weekend would begin with a scene like this. She secured the strap of her hipsack, stopped for a moment, as if remembering something, then hurried over to stand under an awning. The heat of the muggy summer night pressed down. Every face seemed wound up and uncertain. Sweat marks had become like burdensome children that couldn’t be shaken off. They climbed up onto people’s shoulders and started choking them, leaving Maria’s face covered in perspiration as well. She kept ducking into a store, hungry for a cool moment of relief, only to get a hostile sidelong glance from the clerk.

 

她瞄了一眼鏡中的自己,看不出哪裡不對勁?也許是她還在適應這座城市——也許是,她根本無法習慣此地生活?幾個禮拜以來,她依舊懷念南方小鎮:傍晚時分,在公園裡和同鄉女孩有說有笑,踢上一場毽子,或者陪阿公抽完一根又一根的菸,靜默揣想遠方那一株阿勃勒為何總是開著小花,又橘又紅的雲層怎麼像個孩子?

She looked herself up and down in the mirror but didn’t see anything abnormal in her appearance. Maybe she was still trying to get used to this city – maybe she would never be able to get used to her new life. It had been several weeks already, but she was still missing that village in the south. At this time of day, she’d be in the park, talking and laughing with other Indonesian girls, maybe playing a game of shuttlecock, maybe sitting with Grandpa as he smoked one cigarette after another while she asked herself why the golden shower tree in the distance was always blooming with small yellow flowers, or why the red-orange clouds somehow seemed like children.

 

孩子。她想起離家時,在機場哭泣的孩子,以及電話裡嬉鬧的孩子。此時此刻,怔忡的心情像嗝酸一樣湧上來,逼得她眼泛淚光,不是太過於軟弱,而是四周的陌生無以名狀——再怎麼說,她獨自上街不過是近二個禮拜的事,前幾次,先生和太太都拒絕了她的要求,他們納悶:「急什麼?再過幾天,不就要回菲律賓了嗎?」

——再過幾天,瑪麗亞因為工作期滿,必須離境才能再回台灣工作——所以說,她怎麼可以空手回鄉呢?她想買幾件衣服給孩子,還有巴力雅的錶也該換了,說不定自己也可以穿上今年最流行的凱蒂貓T恤?想到這裡,瑪麗亞下意識摸了摸腰際的霹靂包,從何時起,她開始養成了這樣謹慎的習慣?上回電視新聞中,出現被搶的同鄉們慌張的模樣,以致先生和太太笑了好幾天:

「妳看看、妳看看,這樣子妳還要出去?」

Her children. She remembered her children crying at the airport on the day of her departure and laughing on the phone. Then and there, an anxious mood welled up inside her like a sour belch, making her eyes bright with tears. It wasn’t that she was feeling especially vulnerable today, but that the strangeness of the surroundings over the past four weeks had filled her with an ineffable loneliness. It was only in the past two weeks that she’d started venturing outside by herself, and the last few times, the husband and wife she was working for had refused her request to go out. They were baffled: “What for? Aren’t you going back to Indonesia in a few days?” In a few days Maria’s work visa would expire. She would have to leave and come back if she wanted to keep working in Taiwan. But how could she return empty handed? She wanted to buy some clothes for the children. She should get Baria a new watch. And maybe she could wear one of those Hello Kitty T-shirts that were so popular this year. Maria unconsciously felt for her hipsack. But since when had she become habitually vigilant? The other day images of agitated Indonesian women had appeared on the news in a report on mugging. The couple had been laughing about it ever since: “See? See? And you still want to go out alone?”

 

瑪麗亞不服氣,卻不知從何辯駁才好。走著走著,身體越來越輕,好想吃一口咖哩雞,或者炒米粉也不錯。她抱怨起先生和太太這時候才讓她出門,用餐時間都快結束了哇,好幾家自助餐店早已收拾桌椅,麵包店同樣拉起了鐵門,經過麥當勞時,隔著透明的落地窗,瑪麗亞朝價目表看了看,猶豫著,走了。

Maria didn’t give up, though she didn’t know how to argue with them. She walked and walked, and her body felt lighter and lighter. She so wanted to have a bite of curry chicken. Fried rice noodles would also be nice. She started resenting the couple for not letting her out until now, when it was almost past dinner time. A lot of the buffet places had already taken in the tables and chairs; the bakeries were pulling down their shutters. Going past McDonald’s, she looked in through the bright full-length window at the prices on the menu, hesitated, and walked on.

 

她也不打算吃便利商店的微波食品,那太像突然膨脹的爆米花,儘管香氣四溢,卻不夠飽實。

She didn’t plan on getting something at the convenience store. That microwave fare was all like freshly puffed popcorn: savory, but ultimately unsatisfying.

 

也就是準備轉過火車站前的那個商圈入口時,瑪麗亞撞見一隻貓:亮白的毛色在夜裡格外醒目,兩隻腳蹲坐著摩擦地面,前腳搭在台階上胡亂抓著,就著閃爍的光照,瑪麗亞望見地面血跡斑斑,彷彿獸的目光,一眨一眨,那是母貓發情的表徵。本該屬於夜闌人靜時的浪叫,此刻卻晃動如癲,因而瑪麗亞注意到:這一區竟如斯寂寥,三三兩兩的人影碎步離去,偶爾呼嘯而過的機車叭叭叭叭,壯膽似地為路口帶來瞬逝的喧鬧。

It was just when she was about to turn towards the entrance to the shopping area in front of the train station that Maria spotted a cat: Its shiny white fur was especially striking at night. It was crouching, its hind legs rubbing against the ground, its front paws grabbing wildly at something on the stair. In the flashing light, Maria saw spots of blood on the ground. They were like bestial eyes blinking; this was a sign of a she-cat in heat. One should have heard wanton cries belonging to the still of the night. Instead one heard demented, quaking screeches, causing Maria to notice how desolate the area was. A few human forms were leaving, their steps scattered; occasionally a scooter would roar past honking its horn, as if emboldening itself by raising a brief clamor in the intersection.

 

居然這麼晚了?路燈森森拉長了瑪麗亞圓胖的身影,影子很快沒入更黑更黑的大樓當中。

Was it that late? The streetlamps stretched Maria’s plump shadow until it was eerily long. The shadow soon disappeared into the greater darkness of a building.

 

那隻母貓依舊踩著自己的血,喵叫個不停。

The she-cat, still stepping in its own blood, was meowing incessantly.

 

她捧起那隻小貓,正在僵硬的身體浮現團團紫斑,毛絮暗下去了,唯獨尚未完全閉合的眼睛還透著光。

She picked up the kitten. Purple blotches had appeared on its body as rigor mortis set in. The fur had darkened. Only the eyes, not yet entirely shut, still gave light.

 

她撫摸著小貓,像撫摸一件溫暖的毛衣。

She stroked the kitten, as if stroking a warm sweater.

 

衣服緊貼於她的腋下、胸口——天氣實在太熱了!什麼都淌著汗:椅子、桌子、貓——氣味一層一層迫近過來,母貓也忍不住焦躁,勉強站起身來歪斜走著,使她想起更早之前,母貓嚼食胎盤以補充營養的鮮血淋漓,而現在,透過那扇暗色玻璃的倒影,她看見母貓吃力打顫,連帶整個房間也顫抖起來。

Her shirt was sticking to her armpits and chest – it was just too hot out! Everything was dripping with sweat: the chairs, the tables, the cats – different odors bore down on her. The mother cat was so restless that it struggled to stand up and walk, tottering, reminding her of the time the cat had eaten the placenta to replenish lost nutrients – it’d been so bloody. And now, in the dark, in a reflection on the glass, she saw the mother cat trembling mightily. The entire room started to shake.

 

是太累了嗎?她揉揉鬢角,站起身,眼前又一陣劇烈搖晃。

Was she overtired? She rubbed her temples and stood up: another spurt of violent swaying.

 

從屋內望出去,街心那一糾結的光團早就消失得無影無蹤,徒留路口依稀可見的電子看板:你需要現金嗎?你想認識醫生嗎?三十秒保證讓你IN起來!看得她眼花撩亂,卻一直沒見到伊。她想,會不會剛剛上廁所時,錯失了伊的電話?一整天!她憤怒著,在這個小房間耗去了數十小時,就為了等一個不可能到來的人?

Looking out, she saw that the tangle of lights in the street had long since disappeared. All she noticed now was a few faint electronic signs in the intersection: NEED CASH? WANNA MEET A DOCTOR? HARD-ON GUARANTEED IN 30 SECS!

She kept looking until her eyes glazed over, but she never saw him. She wondered whether she’d just missed his call when she went to the bathroom. A whole day! Now she was mad: Why had she wasted a dozen hours in this little room waiting for someone who wasn’t coming?

 

她再度拿起電話,再度是轉接語音信箱,再度聽見蔡伊林的【舞孃】(如果是她的話,寧肯選張懸的【寶貝】)。她又開始胡思亂想:會不會是出了意外?會不會生病了?會不會——想想又覺得不對:就算是這樣,也該說一聲啊,為何不聲不響、不聞不問呢?她沿著床鋪走來走去,手裡越形冰冷的小貓猶如冰冷的希望,冰冷的淚水不聽使喚滑至頷下。

She picked up the phone and was once again transferred to his voicemail. Again she heard Jolin Tsai’s “Dancing Diva” (she would have chosen Deserts Chang’s “Baby”). She started to worry: Had there been an accident? Was he sick? Or maybe he…. On second thought that didn’t seem right: He would have let her know. Oh why would he suddenly start ignoring her? She paced along the edge of the bed. The kitten she was still clutching in her hands seemed colder and colder, like frozen hope. Her cold tears trickled defiantly past her chin.

 

關於母貓不慎壓死小貓的情況,一般說來是很常見的意外,她並非不明白,但這次不同,她嚷著:因為我懷孕了啊我懷孕了你知不知道!

She wasn’t unaware that mother cats often accidentally crush their kittens to death. But this time was different. She yelled: BECAUSE THIS TIME I’M PREGNANT! DON’T YOU GET IT?

 

我們都知道,妳先別這麼激動嘛,妹仔。

We get it, Little Sister. Calm down.

 

全家人乒乒乓乓擠進房間裡,唇上油漬,有幾個人口中甚至衝出一股大蒜味。

The whole family crowded pit-a-pat into the room. Their lips were greasy; a few had garlic on their breath.

 

大姊說:就是說啊,孕婦怎麼可以隨隨便便生氣咧?

Her elder sister said: I say, how can an expectant mother let herself get upset over nothing?

 

姊夫說:況且,也沒有人願意看到這樣的悲劇不是嗎?

Her elder sister’s husband said: And who is willing to watch this kind of tragedy unfold?

 

阿兄說:別哭妹仔,跟阿兄講誰創治妳,給伊死!

Her elder brother said: Don’t cry, Little Sister, just tell your Bro’ who’s been pickin’ on you. I’ll kill him!

 

弟弟說:粉圓絕對不是故意的,是不是啊粉圓?

Her younger brother said: No way Pearl did it on purpose, right Pearl?

 

(母貓叫了一聲)

(The mother cat meowed)

 

母親說:妳安仍歸日攏沒呷敢好?

Her mother said: How can it be doing you any good to go the whole day without eating?

 

妳聽姊夫說,怨憎會苦、愛別離苦,愛情宜解不宜結啊。

You listen to your brother-in-law: There’s the pain of involvement and then there’s the pain of losing love. Trust me: Not getting tied down beats tying the knot.

 

大姊說:她是孕婦,你跟她講這些有的沒的做什麼?

Her elder sister cut in: What are you doing saying such things to a pregnant woman?

 

阿兄說:妳跟我講,是哪個臭豎仔蹧躂妳,我要伊好看!

Her elder brother said: Just tell me which stinking prick violated you and I’ll fix him up good!

 

弟弟說:粉圓是一隻好貓對不對?粉圓粉圓,喵喵喵。

Her younger brother said: Pearl’s a good kitty, right? Pearl, Pearl, meow meow meow.

 

(母貓又叫了一聲)

(The mother cat meowed again)

 

孕婦不可以摸貓啊,會嚇到北鼻(baby)的。

Pregnant women shouldn’t go petting cats. It’ll scare the bébé.

 

母親說:那毋,煮一碗妳愛呷的紅豆湯好否?

Her mother said: Why don’t I cook up a bowl of your favorite sweet red bean soup?

 

(母貓又叫)

(Another meow)

 

要解開,要有智慧,沒看破空相怎麼會快樂呢?

It takes wisdom to let go. How are you ever going to be happy if you don’t see through life’s illusions?

 

大姊說:你可不可以說一些開心的事?

Her elder sister said: Can’t you be a bit more cheerful?

 

可是……

But…

 

她尖叫起來:我的肚子裡有一隻貓啊我的肚子——

She screamed: THERE’S A KITTY CAT IN MY TUMMY! IN MY TUMMY—

 

那好、那好,母親說,篤才煮了幾尾白鯧,我去端上來好否?

That’s nice, dear, Mother said, as I’ve just cooked up a couple of pomfrets. Shall I serve them now?

 

母親跟大家使個眼色:「貓仔最愛呷魚囉?」

Mom gave everyone a meaningful glance: “Cats love fish, right?”

 

呦呦呦呦。

喵嗚喵嗚。

Waaaaaaa.

Meeeeow, meeeeow.

 

不知從什麼時候開始,他們家的廚房排水孔總會發出這類奇怪聲響:一點點尖,一絲絲哀怨,仔細聽,彷彿有人躲在那裡竊竊私語?母親揣度,改天記得去買一罐通樂給它通一通,不然再這樣叫下去也不是辦法吶。

None of them could remember when the kitchen drain had begun making this strange sound: a bit shrill but also plaintive, and if you listened carefully didn’t it sound like there were people whispering inside? Mother figured she should go and buy some Draino. It wouldn’t do for it to keep making this sound.

 

是啊,再這樣下去……姊夫說,小妹再這樣下去如何是好?

That’s right, it would never do for Little Sister to keep on like this…, her brother-in-law said. What’ll become of her?

 

「陳武堂,你不講話,沒有人把你當啞巴!」她大姊啪地放下碗筷,連續劇般的台詞與眼神。

 

“Chen Wutang, just shut up and look cute: No one here’ll think you’re mute!” With a line and a look straight out of a television miniseries, her elder sister melodramatically slammed down her chopsticks.

 

——男人還要說,冷不防一雙筷子扔過來。

I, I… – the man was about to continue when out of nowhere a pair of chopsticks was flung at him.

 

他們重新回到餐桌上,重新端起碗筷,每個人臉上皆糊了妝似,表情浮動。飯菜還是剛剛的飯菜,但吃起來就是少了那麼一味,沉默從那些咀嚼緩緩流出來,像夢,窸窸窣窣囓咬著另一個夢,只有她母親轟隆轟隆:一會開抽油煙機、一會提水桶拖把,極其忙碌地來回清理廚房。

媽,妳莫沒閒了啦,緊來呷飯,嘸菜都要涼去欸,碗筷等下再叫武堂洗。她大姊喊。

They all returned to the dinner table and picked up their bowls and chopsticks. It was like everyone had gone and put on makeup. They were wearing flippant expressions. The food was the same, but it seemed to have lost its flavor. Silence was oozing from their mouths as they chewed. It was like a dream gnawing on another dream, her mother’s rumbling in the kitchen the only sound: She turned on the exhaust fan over the stove, hoisted the pail and the mop, and frantically began cleaning up.

Ma, take a break. Come and eat before the food gets cold. I’ll get Wutang to wash the dishes in a bit, her big sister hollered.

 

母親沒有答話,收拾妥當,坐到餐桌前兀自喘口氣。隔了一個鏡頭的距離,他們全竉罩在日光燈故障的閃爍底,一明一滅,不確定的幽魂,惹得母親起身捺熄了燈,留下一盞抽油煙機的鵝黃光照,以致他們的臉龐近乎隱沒於闃暗底,湯、菜也分不清,倒是扒飯的聲音格外響亮。

Mother didn’t answer. She finished tidying up, sat down at the table, still trying to catch her breath. In the next shot, they were shrouded in the flickering light of a fluorescent bulb that had gone on the fritz. It was like an uncertain spirit. Irritated, Mother got up and turned it off, leaving only the yellow stove fan light. The outlines of their faces were indistinct, almost plunged into darkness. They couldn’t tell which dish was which, yet the sound of people shoveling rice into their mouths was particularly clear.

 

她弟弟低聲:好像在吃燭光晚餐唷

In a muted voice, her little brother said: It’s just like we’re having a candlelight dinner.

 

他們全有意無意地笑起來。畢竟,隱匿於「看不見彼此」的昏黯中,令他們感到安心,緊繃的情緒頓時鬆張開來。「囝仔有耳無嘴!」她母親笑著,挾了一塊肉給兒子。她阿兄也舀了一湯匙的鹹蛋苦瓜給弟弟,卻遭到抗議:我不愛吃苦嘛。她姊夫見狀:這怎麼行?這點苦也吃不了,小心像你小姊姊那樣唷——

They all erupted into giggling. After all, they were veiled in a darkness in which “they couldn’t see one another,” and that was comforting, a momentary relief for frayed nerves. “Shush! Children should just listen, not talk!” her mother said, smiling as she passed her son a piece of meat. Her elder brother gave the kid a spoonful of bitter melon with salty egg, only to meet with protest: I don’t like the taste of bitter. Her brother-in-law jumped in: “What? Life’s a bitter pill. You’d better learn to swallow it or you might end up like your sister….”

 

「陳武堂!你嘴巴生蟲是不是?」她大姊在黑澹裡吼著。

“Chen Wutang, you maggot mouth!” Her big sister roared through the gloom.

 

她變成他們家的一個缺口,一個必須神秘討論的話題。自從她失戀之後,他們全扮演起心理醫師,甚或配合度超高的演員:像是懷孕(乖唷,小貓乖唷)、等電話(他剛剛打過來說他要出門……)、等人(已經在路上啦,待會人就來囉)——儘管他們心知肚明,這一段感情真正結束了,一切僅是虛構的等待,等待像曝亮裡過度拉長的黑影,無聲無息。

She had become a breach in the family, an enigma to be discussed in secret. Ever since her heart had been broken, they’d all been playing psychologists or even extremely accommodating actors: When pregnancy came up (such a good little kitty) or when she was expecting his call (he just called to say he was leaving …) or waiting for him to arrive (he’s on his way over; he’ll be here in no time), they played their parts knowing full well that the affair was truly over, that she was now simply waiting, waiting in a fantasy world of her own creation. Her waiting had become like a shadow, soundless and obscure, stretched too long in the glare of a light.

 

也難怪她母親嘆:「啊知恁小妹會愛得這麼深?」

So no wonder her mother would sigh and say: “Who knew your little sister would fall so hard?”

 

「奇怪欸,恁今嘛不是都流行什麼『速食愛情』?哪會弄到最後變得阿達阿達?」

“It’s so strange. Isn’t ‘speed dating’ popular with you young people these days? How’d she manage to turn herself into such a basket-case?”

 

「好好的一個查某囡仔啊。」她母親激動起來。

“Such a good girl!” Mother was getting worked up.

 

阿母,妳先呷飯啦,呷完再說。阿兄說。

Ma, you eat first and let’s talk about it later, her elder brother said.

 

就是啊,媽咪,我們在吃燭光晚餐耶。弟弟說。

That’s right, Mommy, we’re having a candlelight dinner, her little brother said.

 

媽,妳莫自己嚇自己,阿妹這是暫時的,過一陣就沒代誌啊。大姊說。

Ma, don’t get yourself all alarmed. It’s just a phase. It’ll pass. She’ll be fine. her elder sister said.

 

說是這樣說啦,還是要趕快送她去療養院……她姊夫輕哼著,大腿湧起一股擰轉的灼熱,趕緊啜口湯,閉嘴。

You can say what you will, but it’d be better to commit her sooner rather than later…, her brother-in-law muttered, a wrenching heat flooding his thigh. He took a few hurried sips of soup and shut his mouth.

 

這樣的情況已不是第一次了。總是在談到她的病情時,他們繞開那一念頭:醫院,病房,精神科——那正是讓人逐漸習慣「家裡沒有這個人的存在」的殘酷過程,況且,哪來的錢讓她去住院呢?又誰要照顧她?誰能照顧她?

And this wasn’t the first time. Whenever they discussed her illness, they tried not to think of it: the hospital, the psychiatric department, the psyche ward – for that would be part of a pitiless process of gradual acceptance of the idea that “there’s no such person in this family.” Anyway, where were they going to get the money to send her to the hospital? Who would take care of her? Who could take care of her?

 

他們再度沉默了,每個人在黑墨裡彼此相對(所幸,並看不清楚對方)。

They fell silent again, facing each other in the darkness (fortunately, they still couldn’t see one another clearly).

 

這時候,一隻蛾不知從哪闖進來地,逕自在光照底下東奔西撞,越發顯得這個夏夜躁熱無比。

Just then, a moth burst in from who knows where, buzzed up to the light and started bashing itself against it. The more they watched it the more hot and restless the summer night seemed.

 

她母親抬起頭來:「咁會是這間厝的風水不好?」

Her mother looked up: “Maybe there’s something wrong with the fengshui of this building?”

 

她母親喃喃自語:「不是講有什麼船在咱這棟大樓頂頭飛嚜?」

Her mother murmured to herself: “Don’t people say that there’s a ship flying over the roof?”

 

洗碗槽裡再度響起那一私語似的聲響。

The sink started making that sound again, like some kind of secret speech.

 

呦呦呦呦。

呦呦呦呦。

Waaaaaaa.

Waaaaaaa.

 

(未完待續)


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