男人與女人的戰爭永不止息。
這封電郵轉自女性好友，譯來雖有「長女子志氣、滅男兒威風」之嫌，
卻實在忍俊不止，不能不佩服作者刻劃深刻卻行文輕冷；
何況，還要表現出我也有「幽默感」 ……
那，就貼出來吧！
A Few for the ladies
一些給女士們的
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
“What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
And they say blondes are dumb..
有天我那個「家事智障」的老公決定自己洗運動衫。
才進洗衣間幾秒鐘，他就大聲嚷嚷：「這洗衣機該怎麼設定啊？」
「這得看，」我回答：「你衣服上怎麼寫的？」
他吼著回答：「奧克拉荷馬大學。」
而他們說，金髮碧眼的女人都是笨蛋 …
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A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”
The woman replies, “I’ll miss you... ”
一對伴侶躺在床上。
男的說：「我馬上會讓妳變成全世界最快樂的女人。」
女的答：「我會懷念你的 …」
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“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today, ”
Rodger says as he stepped out of the shower, “honey,
what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this? ”
“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.
「今天真是熱得穿不住衣服，」
羅傑邊跨出浴室邊說：「蜜糖，
你想如果我就這樣去草坪割草的話，鄰居看了會怎麼說？」
「八成會說我是為了錢才嫁給你的，」她答。
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
問：妳怎麼稱呼一個聰明、英俊、敏銳的男人？
答：一個謠言。
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A man and his wife, now in their 60´s, were celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had
been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a
trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...
Immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
一個男人和他的老婆現在都六十幾了，在慶祝他們結婚四十週年的紀念。
在這特殊的日子裡來了個好仙女，說因為他們一直都這麼好，所以每人都能有一個願望。老婆祈禱能和老公去環遊世界。
「秀~~」的一聲，她手上立刻多了機票和船票。
男人祈禱有個比他年輕30歲的女伴 …「秀~~」…
他馬上變成了九十歲！！
真愛死了那個仙女！
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A PRAYER
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I´ll beat him to death.
AMEN
一篇祈禱文
親愛的上帝啊，
我祈求「智慧」，為了瞭解我的男人；
「愛」，為了寬恕他；
以及「耐心」，為了他的脾氣。
因為，神啊，如果我祈求「力量」，
我會捶死他。
阿門
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
問：小男孩為何要聒聒叫？
答：他們在練習著當男人。
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
問：妳管一個銬著手銬的男人叫啥？
答：可信賴的。
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling
your name?
A: You’re not holding the pillow down hard enough.
問：一個男人在妳床上，喘得上氣不接下氣的叫著妳的名字，這代表什麼？
答：妳的枕頭壓得還不夠用力。
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Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
問：為什麼黑寡婦蜘蛛在交配後就把公蜘蛛給吃了？
答：趁他還來不及打鼾就先阻止。
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Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
問：男人與女人有啥不同？
答：一個女人想要一個男人來滿足她的每一個需求。
一個男人想要每一個女人來滿足他的一個需求。
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder ”Instruction Manuals”.
問：妳怎麼防止老公偷看妳的電子郵件？
答：把郵件夾改名為「教學手冊」。
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Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humor to take it.
把這個寄給你認識的五個開朗而風趣的女子，讓她們得意整天！
並且寄給五個有足夠的幽默感來接受它的開朗男子。
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