Lately I helped expanded a dinner event with some friends into a bigger social gathering. I always thought it would be interesting to meet new people, at the very least it would help me learn about different perspectives. I thought by including some new people, it would spice up our gathering for once, since for the last few dinners it had been just the same old gang. Of course prior notification of new people coming was duly sent out. So I thought this is gonna be great.
But the feedback led me to think twice about doing it again. Meeting new people doesn't seem to be the choice of leisure for all. Once again this is a case to prove how lack of sensitivity I can be sometimes. What didn't I foresee this? I probably should have known my friends better. But it is is surprising for me to hear from these friends after that particular gathering. I mean, I figured since we were, in my opinion, meeting with people who are from similar social-economic & cultural background AND around our age, it shouldn't be an intimidating experience. True few of the new girls are probably 25 years old, but hey when I take surveys me and 25 years are still often grouped in the same "age category". So anyway, it was supposed to be a relaxing dinner gathering.
Yet one of my friends described it as an exhausting experience where she was aware she wasn't interesting enough, hence had to try very hard to appear interesting. And she also mentioned some things about the younger girls being there. These are her very private thoughts and thanks to the Internet I got to know about them somehow. And so I learned of her inner sense of insecurity and low self-esteem. I certainly think she can give herself more credit than she does.
This is just one of the examples I have observed lately, and I have seen more over the years since I began noticing few years back. In fact I am not that confident a person/woman either. I am sure a self-esteem problem can happen to anyone, gender aside. But perhaps because of the fact that on average girls/women are treated as "lesser", on average I would think women have a bigger esteem problems on average. I mean, the environment we are in generally set sort of a limit on our lives' prospects, and since females are expected of less, it sets lower bars for us girls. This adds to that people of my gender are also more judged by our age because physical attraction and fertility are weighed heavier upon women.
One day I was having lunch at my office pantry with a group of married female colleagues. They were comparing each other's husband's ability to cook. And someone said that she has been puzzled, "just why in most households the wives are the main family cook, yet men dominate the top ranks of the chef profession?" I think I know why.
To make it far enough to be the top in any profession, it takes not only skills and talent. Skills and talent alone can make you "good" at something. Yet it is relatively easy to be good but it is much harder to finish the last mile on the road to be "great". It takes hard-work, dedication (focus), persistence, goal-setting, drive to achieve and most of all, believing that you can get there. Career is just one of the competitive battlefields, as an example for me to explain my point that us chickies are just not encouraged enough to set out to be "all we can be". Lower starting expectations contribute over the years to lowered achievements, and with more value put on women's physical attraction, as we age, our self-esteems dwell downward. I think this sad aspect is what caused a lot of the gender-biased stereotypes (example: female bosses are worse, men are more prone to having affairs...)
After I started thinking about the above I began more carefully evaluating any expectations given to me. I hope I can share this view with more girlfriends and see what they think.
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