I lived in the hospital for three weeks this March.......
One day, I went crazy and grabbed my ex-husband’s hair,
yelled out :
”why do you push me to do something I don’t like ?
why do you borne the child just because you need someone to inherit your property?
why do you beat me up and your mother was very happy?
I am only a tool for you, not a real person?
why do you destroy my dreams?
I hate you！！！I want to die with you！！！ Go to hell ！！！”
Then , my ex-husband was frightened , and called the fire department to my house.
There were 5 guys pull me into the handbarrow,
over it, I was tied by the black ropes.
I still yelled out all the way to the hospital....
When I arrived in the hospital,
the doctor asked many questions about my feelings,
but all my answers were : ” I wanna die！！Die with my husband！！”
and tried to break the tied ropes.....but failed....
Then, the doctor talked to my sister："it’s an emergency.
Your older sister needs to live in the hospital, can you accept that?"
My sister was also frightened...then signed the agreement....
Then, I started to live in the hospital.
But I always slept and felt fainted all the day....
Everyday, I could hear the nurse call out my name：
＂Wake up, shinhui! Now you need to take a walk with other people.”...
.......or ” You need to take medicine. Stop to sleep, please!”
I remembered all day long I just thought：
”What happened to me?
Why do I become such a person?
Why do I lose my mind now?”
My sister came to see me, and brought me to take a shower.
I was dirty, and reluctant to clean myself....
One day, my sister waved goodbye to me, then walked toward the locked gate.
I ran out without my slippers, spoke sadly:
＂Will you come to see me tomorrow, sister?＂
My sister almost cried in front of my face......
Sometimes, I would take a walk with the other mental-disorder people,
and they would say something strange.
For example, one man always said :
”I will leave this hospital tomorrow, please be happy for me...”
But next day, he was still in the hospital.....
One woman said : ”I have a child , he is a cute boy of 6 years old...”
Next day, she told me: ”I have a child, she is a lovely girl of 12 years old”.....
You never know the truth....
One little girl, asked me:
”You were graduated from college , right? How did you make it?”
I answered : ” No, I am not a college student......You got the wrong message....”
It was shameful to admit that I am well-educated.......
One man said :” I have a company near the department store....’”
Next day, he said : ”I have a restaurant behind the train station....”
He desired to be a business man.....
All of them had dreams, but they were lost in the reality.
Me, too,
I had my dream --- TO LOVE and TO BE LOVED---
but I was lost.....
When I went out of the hospital under the doctor’s permission,
many people waved goodbyes to me.
They congratulated for me,
but they didn’t know my heart was still prisoned in a cage.
It was not able to be free....
After living in the hospital, I followed a long treatment until this July.
But I also tried to kill myself in every way......
I planned to commit suicide , but I had no courage to put it into practice.....
One day, I met a divorced man in the internet , who was 50 years old,
and he persuaded me：
" That was not your fault......”
” Your husband’s family was a big problem.......”
He sent many musical MP3 for me, especially the Jazz Music,
then I thought :
” Yes, the world is still beautiful,
and I should keep alive......”
This August, I recovered my mental health very quickly.
I stopped to take psychotropic drugs and planned my journey for Prague.
This September,
you were sitting next to me in the airplane......
This year, my life experience was almost like a movie.
I never thought about that I would meet someone in Prague,
just as the name of my Blog....
Are you frightened by my history ?
This was my past, and I became stronger and stronger.
Thanks for being part of my movie ; )
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