My name is CharLIE Just need something to document a piece of my mind, for the peace of my mind

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R: You have always been cynical since we first met.
Me: You might be right, but I think I am less of that nowadays


Or am I?

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What comes up
Must go down

Once again, I have temporarily left my blog for dead

I did not know what to write

When you are in an existential vacuum
Your mind doesnt have anything intelligent to say, neither

That very little of whats left of my mind
I use it all on trying to stay afloat

My composure is slowly draining away
My poise is deadly heating up
My posture is completely ill-coordinated

In response, I fortify my castle some more
Smiles are merely as deep as the skin
I am so sorry I cant feel your passion, your achievement and your pain
I cant even feel you

I become lost in this sea, adrift, hanging by a thin thread
Trying so hard to prove my worth to nobody
Trying so hard to stay afloat on this ocean
This ocean of one meaningless date after another

The perfect caricature of intimacy

Band-aids will never cure cancer, didnt ya know?
Band-aids will never cure cancer. now ya know

My laments slowly become useless and soundless
My cries unheard

Perhaps I need a new way of lament
But aint it the one and only way I know of?

I am softly killing myself in all the wrong ways
I am forgetting to forget
I am pulling the trigger all wrong
Its not how you fire a gun
Its not how you shoot a bullet to my skull



I am sorry if I sound a tad more pessimistic and self-indulged
I have been feeling a bit dark lately
Maybe its the shitty weather, maybe its just the stress

I never asked anyone to read this, anyway
For now, I am just genuinely fatigued


I need to rest, if I havnt been doing that already.


What comes up, must go down
And, what goes down, will come also come up
It cant be raining forever

Even in Vancouver










聖潔女神的命運是何等幸福
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
遺忘世界，被世界遺忘
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
無瑕的心靈散發永恆的陽光
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
接納每一個祈禱，捨棄每一個願望
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.

Line 207-210 of Eloisa to Abelard
Alexander Pope (1717)

(thats one hell of a difficult state to be, aint it?)