My name is CharLIE Just need something to document a piece of my mind, for the peace of my mind

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20070701
9:45 am

Pacific Raceway, Auburn, State of Washington.

200 miles away from home


"the thing I love about racing is, no matter what you have in life bugging you, you just don’t think about it when you race"

"You take all those noises and worries, put them in a box, and just don’t think about it till the end"


And so my chief instructor said.....


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In a allegedly perfect world, where reason and logic work 10 times out of 10.
Then with Economics, I can predict your actions with 100% accuracy

all I need are a set of dead on assumptions.


The only catch is, this ain’t a logical world
Assumptions may not hold

The fact is, there are unbalanced equations.

And I hate it when I can’t push it away.

I hate it when I cannot control my emotions
I hate it when I miss you

No, back up

Do I really?

I have no answer to that,
I am not sure I am enjoying to suffer
or I am suffering to enjoy


All day long I battle my emotions, I try to push them to the background, away from my conscious mind
and yet they keep coming back to haunt me
time after time.

The harder I try, the harder the rebound hits me


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I want to try, to try to put all of this in a box
put that box far far far away


If I tell that same lie to myself 10 times a day, for 180 days
then maybe I can remember nothing but the lie

Lie becomes the truth
Truth becomes the lie

The one and only thing I believe in, I want to believe in.


For I simply cannot bear another bursted bubble, another disillusioned hope.

Indeed, thinking of you is beautiful, but that’s as far as beauty would go
The by-products of missing turns me into an ugly man inside

I hate to think of him, but I can’t put it down.
Is this guilty pleasure?

I can’t even produce a correct sentence.

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Just a bit more lying, a few more fake words
Then I can let them all fade, fade to somewhere black and far far far away

All the way into Oblivion,


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If only I was oblivious.
















Resilience

. ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.


Dictionary.com








Where is that box ?