So,Here I am,being in nyc for a month.
It’s a short time,but it feels like 3 months to me.
Sometimes I think I should just go back to Taiwan since it is only a month. Nothing is gonna change too much if I go back.
I am so afraid I am gonna change as time goes by.I don’t want to deal with two different me. Because I know,when I walk out of the storm,I will be a totally different person.
It is like I am standing on a platform,seeing another self in a train leaving and finally disappearing in front of me.
I really want to hold onto traces of the me now.Therefore,I write.But,I am not sure the me in the future will get the same feeling as the me now.
People who know me all said congratulations to me. Because they know I always wanted to go to nyc and study graphic design. N even said,”r u happy?” When I saw it, I was pretty sad coz I am not that happy.I don’t know if I am actually happy,I just don’t realize it or I really don’t care about it. Maybe it is a dream in my early-20s but not a dream for me now.Then,what’s the purpose of I doing here?Am I making a right decision??What do I want??
I hope I have answers to all these. But,I don’t know what to say.
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I don’t really how I survived these 3 weeks in a condition of no friends(I mean like real friends,friends who i can really ”talk” to).What I did was going to school at 9 in the morning,going to classes,trying my best to understand coding,trying to make friends with some kind faces,going back home,taking naps,cooking and studying. I had no social life. I pretty much was by myself. On weekends,I and classmates all worked on projects.So,I didn’t go anywhere although I was in the hippest city in the world.
Then,I transfered to Pratt. Yes,I am happy coz it is the subject I have always wanted to study.At the same time, I am sad about leaving such a top school.I am worried I won’t have that good chance finding a job after graduation.
Recently,I have registered for classes.However,the whole situation kind of disappointed me. I didn’t get in any ”major” studio classes. All my classes are prerequisites or lectures. It wasn’t what I thought. I am here because I am ready to kick some serious butts.
It makes me doubt my choice big time.
I will try to fix it,though.
Please,please let me know I have made a right decision.
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