2009.06.27
I dun feel good these days, everyone in apt 2905 is dating except me. Of course I am happy to see all my roommates are been in love, but yes I am just jealous to see they are kissing or hugging or anything else that I dun wanna see or know.
I know you won’t be here to check my blog cause even your facebook is almost empty and another reason is you dun understand chinese. And you turn your laptop on once a month I think, but it’s kind of normal to do this at your age right haha! We are off today and I bet you are still sleeping, but I dun think you will hang out with me today cause you are the one who is always pushing me away from you even you said you like or want me. You know what do I want but you are an excellent self controller I think, the thing you are doing is absolutely right but I dun wanna admit it, I am a baby just like you said. Probably that’s the main reason that you are so attractive to me cause you are a way too mature more than me.
I remember the night that we met, I yelled Veronica to you cause I though you were her and you know you Brazilians are all look the same for me, it’s was June 10 at the pool next to club house at Vista Way. You said you saw me before but couldn’t remember where or when but you were lying, weren’t you? Duda told me that you supposed to be a guard but you fail the final test, so we could work together at first but God doesn’t like me I think. Anyway I met you and real Veronica again that day after the pool on my way home and we went to Pavilion together for free coffee, I was happy to see you guys again and didn’t know why. Then I ordered cappuccino at first and you ordered the same, then we ordered Latte at the second time and I asked why you were keep following me haha. After that you grab ice tea just like I did, that’s was a beautiful night.
You asked me a question which was am I a lesbian or not, I said no right away cause I though you are going to hate me if I said yes, but you just told me you are. I was surprised and kind of happy cause you are the only lesbian I know after I’ve been here. And later I told you I am not lesbian but bisexual then I saw your smile. Then I walked you home and found out that we live so close, you live in 2710. Anyway you were trying to remember my number cause you didn’t bring your cell and had no credits as well but couldn’t, I guess it’s too hard for an old lady, but the good thing is you still remember yours. I had a wonderful night but couldn’t sleep after I got home, and I was waiting for you in front of your apt in the next day morning for half an hour at 0830 cause your bus was 0904. But you never show up and I though you were going to call in, later I knew that you went to the damn walgreens to have something to eat but who will go to walgreens in the early morning? You did, smart and energetic girl. I though it was because of the coffee that kept me awake at the night but it kept for whole week since that night.
You are the only one I will text to in the mid night maybe just because couldn’t sleep. And I took the same bus with you to work one day morning, you gave me a smile but we didn’t talk much on the bus, I just sit besides you and sometimes look at your side. One time you called my apt ext and said you dun understand my accent that made me sad. And you wanted to talk to my roommate Fernanda to make sure your English is perfect and prove it was all my fault, she just told me to speak slow after talk to you. And you like me to put my glasses above my head, you said it makes me look better, what a weird girl…, I just look older...
Everything is my fault to you no matter what it is.You noticed me couple of months before we met at every school friday, but never talk to me. I do hope you came to talk to me then maybe I wouldn’t stuck here now. But we never at the same bus ever again after we met, so weird right?
Last Sunday I went to HOB with Aline Febuary and Paul, met you and guilherme there. You smelled good but I didn’t want to get too close to you, and you left after 30 mins. There was a south American came to ask me if I am lesbian or not, I said yes and she was trying to kiss me, but I turned my face away just like you did to me. But I didn’t say “I want you, but I can’t” like you. Kind of surprise of what I did cause she was very pretty. Then I text you to ask that are you going to be jealous if I say I just kiss a girl, and you reply me “fuck u”. I guess you were kind of angry cause you didn’t reply me anymore after that, only if I asked you something about our friend.
Remember that I told you that I did the most stupid thing on Monday? I went to animal kingdom to look for you but I didn’t see you cause all AK merchandise wear the damn same costume and most of them are old lady and Asian. I spend one hour to walk around AK and smell shit with pouring sweating, that’s why I felt stupid but you still dun know this and I am not going to tell you.
One time I was in Bennigan’s having dinner with Duda and Aline January, then went to Wendy’s cause Fajion haven’t have dinner yet. And I was texting you to tell you I am going to wendy’s and I saw you were there after I sent it. Everything was weird cause we were kind of like strangers but I still couldn’t remove my eyes from your beautiful smile.
I like our walmart trip last Saturday that was the best shopping time in walmart for me ever. And the turkey sandwich from 7-eleven was good as well cause we share the same one. I was happy that you told me you want turkey one cause you are vegetarian but not that veggie. Remember the third days after I met you was school day and I took the first veggie role in my life and it was horrible!! You looked at my face and laugh…
Anyway we are leaving in 20 days and we might won’t see each other again. Thanks for the kiss on my chick on my confession day. And thanks as well to hold my hand for 5 secs at the second day after we met at the pool. Also thanks for like and hate me at the same time. It’s noon time already but you haven’t reply me but I knew it already, I am getting used to your pushing so it’s nothing for me. Dun worry about me just keep doing right. My first kiss in states is still here but it doesn’t matter anymore. I dun think you will see this post ever so just wish you all the best. Maybe it’s just a crush something like that but you will be my best memory during Disney life.
Take good care of yourself, dun pass out again.
Lawrry
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