I SEE YOUR FAKE SMILE!
- I'm sorry, it's a lot of reading but you need to read it.
Because believe me , darling, I know that smile. I know what it feels like to reply, "I'm good." when someone asks you how you are. But not because you are good, because you're just so used to saying it, that you don't even think about it any more. You don't even realize the question that's being asked. Your response is just so rehearsed, that it comes out with no effort.Just like that beautiful smile, darling. It breaks your heart to lie to those you love. It's so hard to tell them everything is perfectly fine. But it's even harder to tell them the truth. You don't want to be in such a vulnerable state. You can't handle that kind of pity.
But you gotta believe me when I tell you, darling, you're not alone. I'm here for you. I understand that reflection you see every night. The one you don't even recognize any-more. That same smile that you've been wearing for years to fool everyone into thinking you're fine, has finally fooled you. Just for that split second, when you look in the mirror and see that stranger smiling back at you, you believe it. You actually think you just might be happy. But then, your heart starts to hurt, your body starts to ache, your tears start to flood, and all the memories come back. You're not okay. You're not happy. You're dying from the inside out, and nobody even bothers to notice. You feel like you're alone and everyone has given up on you.
But you have to believe me, you're not alone, darling. I'm here. I'm right holding your hand. I'm rubbing your back as you cry on my shoulder. Even if you can't see me, or hear me. I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. because I know what it feels like to want to just throw it all away and say, "fuck it". I know what it feels to think, "I'm not worth it. Nobody cares about me, and everyone leaves. So it's my turn. I'm going to be the one to leave this time, and leave the hurting and alone."
But darling, you are so incredibly worth it. Your life matters to me. Even if we've never talked, or if I don't even know your name. I'm here for you. And I care about you. I don't want you to go anywhere. Maybe I'm your best-friend, maybe I'm your mother. Maybe I'm your baby sister,or your father that's never home. I care about you, and I don't you to go anywhere. I know it's tough darling, but hang in there. Do it for me. Do it for everyone who's never told you they loved you. I'm so sorry you have this fake smile every day, but stay strong, darling. Stay strong and hold on to the mystery of tomorrow.
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