i am leaving for europe tomorrow. but it’s weird, i don’t feel anything special. no worry, no nervousness, no excitement, none.
i’m only looking forward to meet delphine in lyon and poppy in london soon. i miss those moments we had in taipei, last summer with poppy. and early this year with delphine. they are all wonderful fabulous friends, so nice and pure-minded people. on the other hand, i can’t help but imagine what’s gonna happen if things wind up in a negtive way. what if they are not so hospitable as i expect? what if their families are not friendly to me? what if....?
what stupid thoughts they are!
it’s been 4 years since last time i went abroad traveling, one week in tokyo with eway. gosh! i mean, for such a person with an always-ready-to-leave spirit as me, how can i forget the smell when sitting in an airplane? how can i get over the significant moment when taking off, when getting closer and closer to sky, to my own inside?
sometimes, i question myself,”are you obsessed with being a lonely stroller, jerome”? the answer seems to be yes, if this is my destiny, if i can’t get lucky enough to meet someone with whom i can share my feelings and travel happily together. i’d rather be alone, for both trips and my life. it’s kinda sad, but that’s what it is.
i met mr.t today. we had lunch together. we talked mostly about his film-making projects lately. and it’s strange. i looked at his eyes and suddenly i realized i don’t love him any more. or maybe i never did. after all the long way,i finally conceived that we are not good for each other. when we said goodbye around the mrt station, it’s just like a closure to me. perhaps he was right, friendship would more fit us !
and i bought a digital camera according to mr.t’s suggestion, a nikon one. it doesn’t look groovy, but it’s the one which meets my needs and reasonable for my budget.
then, i went for jesse around gu-ting. he offered me some tylenols in case i get a cold or fever during my trip. i like this guy, my best foreign gay friend in taiwan. i should have hug him this afternoon and told him ”i shall miss you on the journey. after i get back, we must continue to share our favorite beethoven’s sonatas and many other wonderful classical music pieces, ain’t we”? i should have hug him anyway. but i was too weak to show my friendship and love.
i am leaving for france tomorrow. and i can’t speak any franch. i wish everything would just be right.
after 4 years, it’s perfect time to get rid of all good things or bad things happened in my little tiny world, and take a deep fresh breath in another space with a brand new view.
however, i will no doubt miss all in my little tiny world.
the further i go, the harder i miss.
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