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463愛的鼓勵 0訂閱站台

During the day sitting quietly ,,The ones that have begun gradually finding cPlanted self-balance and happiness, met psychological doctor yesterday, began to talk about my self-discovery during this month to him: I begin everything own about me of one's own all the time constant thinking clearly, I before this am very fast in input to two people's emotion, begin to learn to slow now; I before this will present the behavior that pleases in the emotional way, I who am present do not want to be be pleased and only want to let oneself feel comfortable; I before this do not value other people very much, I who am present find that friend , family and different social activities actually let my life be more abundant originally; It is in I freedom each like wilful for people, but in before I will last oneself because of role way in the relation, behavior that I who am present and make a response to oppress or restrained freedom fromming at any t ime; I before this will not say "no " to a man not good very much, it is an index that can't be refused for me to have sexual relations, I who am present begin clearly even if have sexual relations, bad-tempered that other parts can't be cooperated or not put up at all, that is too long to keep the necessity of the relation either; I on it is before this will because relation attitude not ideal, and whether it expect it make sure there aren't some thing wanting by oneself, I who am present am clear that the substantial cultivation of the ability , knowledge is the goal that myself pursue , not for other people ! -! -! -! -All above-mentioned is about the emotion.

To family I find one's own transition in the course of talking too: I have been resisting parents , estranged family from teenagers all the time , it is longer and longer at my age, learn person who consult after the coaching , I discover I I think right knowledge system with one, the thought and life that involve in entering family come , and hope that they change , I will think when they are not so disappointed and no longer want to make any efforts; I who am present begin clearly, family have their own living space and growth environment, they can choose them to like living and living with the way that is familiar with most , because that is their life; If some words of mine can make them accept it is perhaps very kind to me; But it knows and loves them and has oneself if they do not accept me , in a kind of way that they can meet . I begin in such more a relation clearly, what I want is that they are happy and comfortable, that will be their own decision to grow up (depend on my language and knowledge ) by oneself as for they will begin, my love and care to them still exist , use a kind of way of OK of everybody.

The my wanting at heart one is planting oneself , but the one that exist to me in society's normal restriction that I am clear forever is since among me, I have it against the bone, but that thing does not need conflicting with social value positively , resist because when mine reaches a ripe state oneself to seem or not either to be on it is not so important! Begin to learn to admit, not persistent, feeling joyful trully in the heart at the beginning, even if meet a very poor person I release good will to him , but I do not press close to him very much ; Meeting the finding each other congenial very very well, I can not send and must maintain and live in this section of friendly feelings to look at , because meet course got along to talk, itself very beautiful .

在靜坐的日子裡,,開始漸漸的找到ㄧ種自我的平衡與喜悅，昨天跟心理醫師見面，開始跟他談論我這一個月來的自我發現：我開始清楚自己一直不斷的思索關於我自己的一切，之前的我對於兩人感情的投入很快，現在開始學習放慢速度；之前的我會在感情模式中出現討好的行為，現在的我不想討好只想讓自己覺得舒服；之前的我不太看重其他的人，現在的我發現原來朋友、家人及不同的社交其實讓我的生活更豐富；我是一個喜歡自由隨性的人，但在之前我會因為關係中的角色模式而壓抑自我，現在的我會隨時對於受到壓迫或是被限制自由而做出回應行為；之前的我不太會對一個不好的男人說不，有了性關係對我來說是一個不能拒絕的指標，現在的我開始清楚就算有性關係，其他的部份不能配合或是完全不搭嘎，那也久沒維持關係的必要；之前的我會因為關係的理想型態，而期許自己要做到一些事情培養一些能力，現在的我清楚能力、知識的充實培養是我自己追求的目標，不為了其他的人…………上述的一切是關於感情。

對於家人我也在談話過程中，發現自己的轉變：我一直從青少年起反抗父母、疏離家人，當我年紀漸長，學了諮商輔導後，我發覺我一直再用一種我認為對的知識體系，來涉入家人的思想及生活，並希望他們改變、當他們不如此時我會覺得失望而不再想做任何努力；現在的我開始清楚，家人有他們自己的生存空間及成長環境，他們可以選擇他們最喜歡跟熟悉的方式過生活，因為那是他們的人生；如果我的一些話語可以令他們接受或許對我很好；但如果他們不接受我也知道自己是愛他們而存在、用一種他們能適應的方式。我開始清楚再這樣的關係中，我要的是他們快樂與舒服，至於他們會不會開始自我成長（依我的語言及知識）那就是他們自己的決定，我對他們的愛與關懷仍然存在，用一種大家都OK的方式。

我的骨子裡要的是一種自我，但我永遠清楚社會規範的限制存在於我的自我中，我有反骨，但那個東西是不需要跟社會價值正面衝突的，因為當我的自我到一個成熟的狀態時，反抗與否似乎也就不那麼重要了！開始學著去接納、不執著，開始真的在心中感到愉悅，就算遇到一個很糟的人我還是對他釋出善意、但我不跟他太貼近；遇到很棒很投緣的人，我不會寄望一定要維持住這段情誼，因為遇到談話相處的過程，本身就很美好了。