My name is CharLIE Just need something to document a piece of my mind, for the peace of my mind

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If you are like me

Who grew up under the big and corrupt system we shamelessly named ”education”
Who viewed life as series of grades, marks and achievement tests among peers, silbings, and friends

Then you must be familiar with what I am going to say next

”If you cant do this problem, leave it there and dont waste time on it, come back in the end”

Time is always a scarce asset, even more so during exams
The psychological process underlying this statement is Incubation

”an improvement in problem solving performance after temporarily putting a problem aside”

Neurons work in mysterious ways, some of them may align and fire together
Then all of a sudden you have an idea, that we call ”Insight”

(You know, those lightbulbs that come on whenever Mickey thinks of an idea)

So why am I boring you with psychological jargons?

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The greatest strength of modern education is that it has successfully trained a whole bunch of competent monkeys that are experts test-takers

In line with thie view, the concept of life may be viewed as one giant exam.






And now I am onto this next question that I cannot solve.....

To be exact, it is a indentity crisis, as introduced by Erik Erikson

Stage VI
Intimacy vs Isolation

Obviously, it is a confusion between being intimate and isolated.
It is a choice, so to speak.

Or is it?


I tend to view the two concepts as two faces on the same coin
As of now, the isolation face is up
Even tho I long for the other face

I have had my taste of intimacy, and proven that I was incapable of it.

Too many failures, too many mistakes, have blinded my eyes, covered my ears, and paralyzed my senses.

I question my own faith

I now see the end even before the beginning begins

I dont know what to do, even if I did, I lack the courage

I am stuck on this question

I try to seek help, but I aint that lucky

(You cant cheat on an exam anywayz)







It all boils down to time, I guess


Time is my best friend and my worst enemy
For it takes away almost all the pain, but does it with such a slow and sweet torture

Time is what I need, the only thing that I need

In time, all my doubts will be cleared, all my questions will be answered
In time, I will be found by myself

All I need is time

(I wish I could have the luxury of ”putting it aside” tho)
(Its a fucking infection)