JAR on the run, now! I will be there!

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I’m absorbing life now, in a sad fashion.

 

The whole thing is good, I mean, deep, really deep. But, you know, the beauty in it is on the brink, in the odd, sad looks on Will’s face there’s a voice that’s saying: “there is something wrong here.” The beauty’s on the brink, if you look down, you can see a gentle, sad, grey pond, but when you look him in the eye, there’s the goodness of the whole thing, and that’s the sad part. It’s beautiful all the same though. The music, in the end, sounds a bit like “Through the Arbor” (by Kevin Kern) to me, but every few notes there’s this finger pressing two keys at the same time, like a mistake you often make practicing the piano, and there’s this odd feeling that questions “is it…wrong or something?” Yet the music is so calm and modest, almost like it’s saying: “yes, there is something wrong in here.”

What is? He’s dead that’s what’s wrong.

Life’s full of intentional goodness, although sometimes they seem so few, but something like “giving everything” needs courage, which in this case is a sad one. I mean, the whole “It’s beautiful and it’s sad and it’s his decision” makes it more sad and beautiful and sad and so on.

 

Well, drive carefully, that’s the lesson.

 

Now I look up, I see leaves above me, dancing, shining bright green. It feels like something called “simple satisfaction.” Will I still have them when I’m thirty? Sixty-four? Or time will just kill me by changing me? Hope not. And I do hope that should I change, I can see it and I can have the courage to face it, admit the hopelessness, instead of ending up on Revolutionary Road.

 

 

 

(Both good, both sad, especially Revolutionary Road. The Hopeless Emptiness, I hope I’ll never meet.)