Almost all children and young people have to cope with bullying in one form or another during their school days, however, there are many types of bullying- and some are easier to cope with than others.
Bullying can range form teasing to name calling, from spreading nasty rumors about someone to threats of intimidation or actual physical aggression.
There is often a fine line between some of these behaviors. What’s considered gentle teasing to one child might appears as intimidation to another.
Also, the effects of bullying may vary according to the personality and strengths of the “victim”. Many young people have to suffer some form of teasing and name calling. For example, on the school bus in the morning- however, some will find this more difficult to dear with than others.
There is no doubt that for some children and young people, that bullying, however defined, represents the most stressful experience of their lives. Some fear it so much that they refuse to go to school or find excuses to avoid situations where bullying can occur. At the most extreme level bullying can, on rare occasions, lead to a suicide attempt. This is why it has to be taken very seriously indeed. Of course, we have to be clear that some forms of bullying are likely to have worse consequences than others.
Children have to accept a certain level of teasing, and parents will need to provide support so that the child can deal with this. However, bullying to the extent of being physically threatened or continually taunted is very distressing and should not be tolerated.
Clearly, some children and young people are more likely to be the victims of bullying than others. Those with an obvious physical characteristic, such as being overweight, can become targets of bullying, as can those with some form of disability. Hose who are shy or diffident, or who find it hard to stand up for themselves may also be vulnerable.
However, it is worth wile remembering that institutions such as schools, prisons, and other residential environments can do an enormous amount to reduce bullying, so that in some places even the most vulnerable will be protected. Bullying is not inevitable. One of the problems for victims of bullying is that very often such individuals feel ashamed of what is happening and blame themselves. It is hearer that friends and important adults have such a key role to play. Victims of bullying need support to see that it is not their fault. Athey are not to blame, and something can be done to help them.
When bullying occurs most of the attention is focused, not surprisingly, on the victim. However we do need to pay attention to the bully as well. Not al bullies are the same; research has shown that there are differences between the ringleaders, the “henchmen”, and the silent observers .For adults who work with young people it is sometimes useful to distinguish between these groups-and to target any interventions with those who have most influence on the bullying behavior. Bullies are often people who have been bullied themselves, and may therefore be v
vulnerable and angry. A lot can be done to help such young people dear with their pain and avoid bullying others.
Most people assume that bullying happens exclusively in the school setting. Since this is where children and young people spend a good dear of their time, it is understandable that this is the focus of our thinking- however, it’s essential to remember that bulling can occur in other places as well. Individuals can be bullied in the home, possibly by an old sibling- or by a step-brother or sister. As I have noted above, prisons and other residential settings are also places where bullying is common. When thinking about bullying, adults do need to keep in mind that it can occur anywhere, not just in school.
Adults can do an enormous amount of help, although sometimes it’s difficult to be clear how to proceed. Firstly, if your child is showing signs of stress and you aren’t sure what’s going on, be aware that bullying may be one possible cause. Secondly, you should know that all schools are required to have an anti-bullying strategy in place. As a parent, you can find out if this is working, and if not, get support from other parents to insist that it does. Thirdly, if you do find out that your son or daughter is being bullied, offer your help, but be sensitive to their needs too. Simply rushing in to the school and demanding action from the Head is not necessarily the best tactic.
Young people will be very anxious about any more a parent might make, and will often fear reprisals from the bullies or their friends if any action is taken by the school. The best thing to do is to take things over with the child or young person and plan a strategy that suits them. This may involve getting support form friends or other parents. It may involve a quiet talk with a trusted teacher. Its may even involve thinking about a change of school. The most important thing of all is for a parent to offer support to the child or young person in a way that feels right for them.
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