My Dearest Isabella:
How are you?
I am so glad that I finally found you after 6 years.
It has been such s long time since loosing contact with you.
I would like to express what I have been feeling about you for 6 years.
After the day I broken your heart,
you was crying at parking lot right next to the collage dorm.
I knew that was my lose;
I had lost a girl whom I cared about, loved as much as any body in the world.
But I also told myself “ One day I will return to you, I won’t give up.”
And I told myself that we just fell in love at the wrong situation.
There was nothing else beside this major matter.
I told myself right after that day.
I had to improve so that I could handle my own decisions to my parents and even to you.
So that I could have the right to chose Miss Right.
I wanted to prove that I could be a man, not a boy anymore.
And I joined the military service.
I still did not forget you; I just could not give up.
And I knew that after military, I needed to find a job.
I though about finding a job, but I also realized I could not give you a better life when I only had a collage degree.
I did not want you to have a man who could only give you love and nothing else for reality.
I wanted to support you, not the other way around in the life time.
At the same time, I found you and you helped me to come to study in United States.
That was the last time seeing you.
I really wanted to tell you my plan for you, but I did not speak out.
Because I wanted to surprise you and show you I made everything up to you.
As you know studying is never been good with me.
It took me three years to finish courses at University of Indianapolis.
Even while I was in Indiana, I did not give up finding you.
I tried and tried if there were any possibility to contact you, I tried it.
You were the only reason pushing me.
And I stayed all those summer vocations in Indiana which means I could graduate as soon as possible and try to find a job for a year.
If I had already found you and could convince you to come over
and start over a new life with me, we could live here for that year.
If I do not find a fine job, I am planning to go back this year.
Then I will show you, tell you.
Ask if you would like to start all over again;
I am sure, I am different,
I have ability to fight for my happiness with you.
Few years ago, I went back to Taiwan twice in four years.
I drove a car to you.
I just wanted to get a chance to find you and to see you and to know how you were doing.
Unfortunately, all the information I had of you was from years ago.
I asked my classmates when I saw them online.
No one could tell me anything about things going on with you.
Baby, I was not playing with you and I am not,
never will be anything but honest with you.
You gave me energy to go forward to a better life.
You were my dream all these times,
you were my goal and I was just waiting to achieve it.
I thought I can have better chance and provide a better life with you because of the changes I have made in my life.
I don’t blame you. It is my fault.
I should have told you what I was planning to do.
I should have shown you my feelings that I was planning on coming back to you.
As I said, I have been waiting for you for 6 years already.
I don’t mind another few years for starting over.
And I understand your marriage, I should not be involved.
And I am not trying to convince you to divorce for me.
I do not have the right to say get a divorce.
But I want to say if your marriage can not work out after all things that have happened to you, I will still be there for you.
I will love you the way we used to, that won’t change even after all these years.
I hated myself when I had opportunity four years ago
and did not tell you
“My feeling for you is still growing deep inside of my heart.
I LOVE YOU, BABY”.
You probably don’t know why my dog name is 小寶, because of your nickname, it reminded me of you these whole years.
There are many thoughts of you in my heart.
It is not easy to describe about you in 6 years in this letter.
But I will keep writing how painful the decision I made was and how I realize now that it was a mistake, too late.
I wish I could tell you out loud that “I LOVE YOU, BABY. I AM RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOU, and WILL BE”
Love,
Brian Hsiao
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