Coming out of college,I signed with Golden State Warriors. When I were at sign I remember I had mediaand lot of attention. Everyone was calling me and taxing me. And mostimportantly, I got thousand of Facebook friend requests. I thought I was socool and I asked "Is it an NBA thing? It is really nice." But as manyof you know I had a terrible rookie year. I never play expect blow up, and even when I dig in I never playwell. Eventually I got sent to D leagueall three time. The D league was definitely the toughest time in my career,because I felt that one bad game and I could lose my job. I was actually so stress. I couldn't eat orsleep the day before or the day out of a game. And anybody who really knows me,knows how much I eat. Two weeks ago on my birthday, I gain seven, eight pounds.So for me, to not able to eat is a very big deal.
And I remember onDecember 29th, 2010, I wrote my diary. Iknow it's kind of girly to keep the diary but I do it anyway. It is probably the closest to the depressionI've been. I'm lacking confidence on the court, I don't like to playbasketball, and I feel embarrassed I am like a failure. I still remember many nights where I couldn'tfall asleep and I was just in my bed and cry. Because I thought I was let everybody else down. I thought that if I didn't play well, I maynever play the NBA again. I eventuallywish I never sign with the Golden State. When I got through the rest of my rookie season and into the lockout,and I told to myself that going to my second season, If it is the last seasonof my NBA, I am going to give my best effort and play only for God. I don't want to put any extra pressure toplay well for anybody else. So when theseason finally start in the December I was waived anybody through the first practice by the GoldenState. As many of you guys know, Huston Rocket picked me up.
When I first got SaintHuston, that they have six point guards in practice. I was wondering why I amhere that is no space for me. Eventuallyon Christmas Huston waived me as well. New York picked meup. But I didn't even get opportunity toplay games and we never practiced because the schedule was so crazy. So again Iwas wondering why I was there. I remember I couldn't even get into thearena. One day I tried to get in andthey stopped me and told me it is only for the players. So I had to convincedthem that I was the players on the team. And January New York sent me to the D league. And I was wondering againwhy I am here, why I am on the D league again.
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