My English Blog May I have the swagger to feel I can change the world and the humility to know I have so much more to learn

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Picture from Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away

 

Ahh! The more I examine myself lately the more delinquent I find myself to be.
Not enough, I'm not doing good enough!

English still not eloquent enough. Both in colloquial and formal speaking.
Haven't done much with building my vocabulary, why do I procrastinate so much!?

Not calm enough. Why am I so insecure at times?
Where is my confidence when I need it to stand by my point?
Where is my humour when I need it to have a laugh at myself?
Where is my generosity when I need it to make everyone feel at ease?
Has anyone seen my cool? I think I dropped it somewhere.

Note to self: NOT A HAPPY CAMPER! Please fix this.

The secretary at work is a snob. That's right, the secretary, is a HUGE pain in the ass.
I guess I feel awkward around her because she's got awesome fashion sense, and I usually act awkward or stupid around people who intimidate me. The SECRETARY at work intimidates me, you've read it right, this is a laughing stock. I need to get over myself. So what, she wears a Chanel scarf? So what, she's hilarious and makes snarky remarks? She's got traits you desire to have, but at the end of the day, so what? I'm unique in my own ways too. I just need to remind myself that, and to be more sure about that.

Again, I question, WHERE is my confidence??

Next, not Aussie enough.
I hate to be a full on Aussie, I'm still too much attached to my Asian heritage.
But I think it's time, to embrace some Aussie culture. Say, football; say, comedy festival; say, umm, various topics that Aussies are interested in (??!). For once I want to blend in with the bunch of 'mates' at work.

Another issue, not skinny enough.
God damn it I can't seem to lose these 10 kilos I put on last year!!
Not that I CAN'T, just I haven't been doing the exercise routine my friend set out for me...at all!! It's been three months!! I also said I'll take on dance classes, but  noooo....just havent' got around to find a studio near my new place...excuses excuses. So sick of self.

Arrrh, why do I fall short of my own expectations so often?
Parts integration problem perhaps?