負笈 2002.05.11 (六)
好友K臨時決定今年六月要去國外念書，特地E-mail周知親朋，還附上該校的簡介。
簡介是英文寫的，特地翻譯出來讓大家比較好讀。
這間學校的簡介已經上網，網址是：
http://gemporiums.com/osama/oblu.html
因為網路上公佈和K寄給我的的有些不同，翻譯原則以K的版本為主。
也將K寄來的版本附在文末。
K寄來的OBLU學校簡介翻譯：
承諾，社群，聖戰！
奧薩瑪賓拉登大學(OBLU)試圖將恐怖主義的基礎逐漸灌輸給學生。無論您想要在一場殘殺數百名異教徒的大使館爆炸案中榮耀地殉道；或是在回教法典師認可的裁決下，獵殺褻瀆神的作家這種更個人化的滿足，OBLU都能幫助您達成理想。
如果您能在以下的問題中，回答了至少半數的「是」，您也許就是一位天生的恐怖份子！
是的！
· 我想要與眾不同！
· 我能克服挑戰！
· 我會駕駛卡車！
· 我想抹去布希臉上的假笑！
· 參加大型示威活動的時候，我享受四處揮舞槍枝、隨意對空亂射的快感！
· 我穿著裝滿炸藥的背心時安然自得！
· 我想要一個能夠投注生命於其中的工作！
關於我們
校園
座落於阿富汗宏偉崎嶇的山區中， OBLU 的校園位列世界最美麗的教育環境之一。綿延數哩的小徑在滿是白雪的山路上展開；而隨時保持銳利的視線搜索地雷，讓健身狂熱者身心都強壯！
課業
渴望讓學生視其為自尊的根源，OBLU嚴格遵行榮譽信條
我們所有的學生都以現代恐怖主義核心領域紮實的基礎開始。在大一這年結束後，您能學會如何：有效率地投擲石塊、焚燬旗誌而不會燒到自己、數小時反覆唸誦憤怒的口號(感謝舒適足墊)，還有更多，更多，更多！
在您大三這一年，您就必需決定您的主修。您也許想要學習操作 C 級汽車，像是轎車或輕型卡車；或者，您能決定主修以橡皮艇接駁美國驅逐艦的藝術。如果，您是更進階的學生，您甚至會想要學習研究所等級的課程：試圖從沾滿血的瀕死猴隻身上採集依波拉病毒，徒手！
師資
校長賓拉登
奧薩瑪賓拉登大學的校長是成日恐怖世界中最為世人熟知的人物。他成功地以他在阿富汗受到眾人喝采的聖戰，打倒了蘇維埃帝國；現在正持續他對抗大撒旦：美國，的工作。以對他人頭的懸賞有二千五百萬美金來看，賓拉登教授肯定是在做一件對的事情！
旅行機會與肯定
最近在紐約的畢業生成果受到了世界性的矚目
最近的畢業生去了一些非常具有異國情調的地方，像是喀什米爾、車臣、台拉維夫，甚至是紐約市！還有什麼看世界的方法會比肩負著一個去毀滅它的神聖任務更好呢？
「我以前只會坐著怨恨美國。現在，因為能真正做些事情，我得到極大的個人滿足。」
大三，主修汽車炸彈學。
「我喜歡能直接超昇到天堂的想法，而我所要做的，只是在砍殺美國人的時候被擊中就可以了。你自己說吧，這太簡單了！」
大四，主修武器學。
「我以前以為” 血染幾條街”只是一張誇張的說法，現在我知道，只要一缸子粗重工作，和卡車上一點點的塑膠炸彈，就可以做到了。」
大三，主修化學。
社交生活
當然， OBLU 不只是一個「恐怖工廠」。從排球到繩球，學生在日常的聖戰職責之外，也享受各種不同的社交與自我充實活動。許多在學校形成的友誼，強烈到能夠在烈士之廳中持續整個永恒！
OBLU 的學生也有以下的額外福利：
· 畢業生購買所有型式的卡車與船艇皆享有免頭款貸款。
· 購買學生商店的所有武器皆享有五折優待。
· 免費停車。
今天就申請奧薩瑪賓拉登大學！
還不確定嗎？請就近參加您所在地點學習中心所舉辦的，我們OBLU 認可的延伸課程：「國際性恐怖主義實作入門指引」
請與我們的南亞地區合作協會(SAAC)地區代表聯絡，以了解更多細節與註冊資訊： Gen. Pervez Musharraf Bunker No. 786, Khandahar - Afghanistan Tel: 1600 - 475654
附錄：K寄來的OBLU學校簡介。
Commitment.Community.Jihad!
Osama bin Laden University seeks to instill the fundamentals of terrorism in its students. Whether you want the glorious martyrdom of killing hundreds of infidels in an embassy bombing, or the more personal satisfaction of hunting down a blasphemous author in a mullah-sanctioned fatwa, OBLU can get you where you want go!
If you can answer yes to even than half of the following, a career in terror may be for you!
Yes!
· I want to make a difference!
· I can handle a challenge!
· I can drive a truck!
· I want to wipe that smirk off George Bush's face!
· I enjoy waving guns around and firing them into the sky randomly at large rallies!
· I look good in a vest filled with explosives!
· I want a job that's to die for!
ABOUT US CAMPUS
Located in the magnificently rugged mountains of Afghanistan, OBLU's campus ranks as one of the most beautiful educational settings in the world. Miles of running trails wend their way through the snowy passes. And keeping a sharp eye out for land mines keeps fitness buffs strong in both body and mind!
CURRICULUM
Long a source of pride for students, the OBLU honor code is strictly enforced
All our students start off with a solid basis in the core areas of modern terrorism. By the end of freshman year, you will know how to: lob stones effectively, burn flags without burning yourself, chant angry slogans for hours thanks to foot-friendly arch inserts, and much, much more!
By your junior year, you will have declared a major. You might learn to operate class "c" vehicles such as cars and light trucks. Or you could decide to master the art of docking with American Destroyers on an inflatable boat. If you're an advanced student, you might even get to study at the post-graduate level, trying to harvest the Ebola virus from bloody, dying monkeys with your bare hands!
FACULTY
Dean bin Laden Dean of School Osama bin Laden is the most universally recognized figure in world terror today. He has successfully brought down the Soviet Empire due to his acclaimed in Afghanistan, and now is continuing his work against the great Satan, America. With a $25 million dollar bounty on his head, Professor bin Laden must be doing something right!
TRAVEL OPPORTUNITIES & RECOGNITION
Recent graduate work in New York received worldwide attention
Recent graduates have gone to such exotic locales as Kashmir, Chechnya, Tel Aviv and even New York City! What better way to see the world than on a holy mission to destroy it?
"I used to just sit around and hate Americans. Now, I get the great personal satisfaction of doing something about it."
Junior, Majoring in Car Bombing
"I like the idea of going straight to paradise and all I have to do is get gunned down while killing Americans. Do the math. It's a no-brainer!"
Senior, Weapons Major
"I used to think making the streets run red with blood was just hyperbole. Now, I know that with a whole lot of elbow grease, and just a little bit of emtex in a truck, it can definitely be done!"
Junior, Chemistry Major
SOCIAL LIFE
Of course, OBLU is not just a "terror factory." From volleyball to tetherball, students enjoy a variety of social and enrichment events outside of their daily Jihad duties. Many of the friendships made at school are strong enough to last for all eternity in the hall of martyrs!
OBLU students also enjoy these perks:
· Graduates receive no-money down loan for all truck or boat purchases
· 50% discount on all weapons purchases made at the student store
· Free parking
Apply today for Osama bin Laden University.
Still unsure? Take our OBLU-sanctioned extension course, "the How-To's of International Terrorism," offered at a Learning Annex near you.
Contact our SAARC region representative for more details and admission information: Gen. Pervez Musharraf Bunker No. 786, Khandahar - Afghanistan Tel: 1600 - 475654
