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閃電十一人 改編-1 第一章

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我只是新手而以,所以寫的很爛!請見諒!



吹雪!你是穿裙子還是褲子?(吹:?)    再某一天,一座新學校剛開學o 「ㄟ!隊長怎麼在這裡? 」突然冒出來的壁山說, 「當然在這!」圓堂回答, 「為什麼?」壁山繼續問,「廢話!」雷門的球員都來了,「大家早!」小秋氣喘吁吁的跑來,「诶?到底怎麼回事?」壁山還搞不清楚狀況, 「其實,在你轉學以後,雷門就......」小秋快哭出來了!   「讓我來說吧!」圓堂說,「事實上,自從你轉學後,風丸就不知道怎麼了,拿了一隻黑劍,竟然把學校給毀了!」圓堂說,「那風丸學長哩!」壁山問, 「不知道? 」(小聲)壁山問倒圓堂了, 「我有線索!」路過的夏未說,「什麼?」圓堂大叫,「其實,在你們離開後,我就......

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★。小 幸。★
寫的不錯優~不過如果想讓別人看了一目了然的話,需要在寫長一點~(小幸幸的教學講座?
2010-12-12 13:27:15
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謝謝您的指導!
2010-12-12 18:47:28
★星星旋律★
錯字連篇
2010-12-12 16:47:59
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2010-12-12 18:47:54
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