珍的嗎? Founded in 2002.

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Message from the Management

Dear Staff,

Welcome back to the office on this 1st day of the year.
Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations implemented
to raise the efficiency of our company.


ATTIRE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a
raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.


PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.


LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat
more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for
lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people
get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a
Slim
Fast and take a diet pill.


SICK DAYS: We will no lon ger accept a doctor statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.


RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
the
stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second
offence,
your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the
"Chronic Offenders" category.


SURGERY As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have
something removed constitutes a breach of employment.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.


Have a nice day.

Management