一.童年的秋日
旦才破殼出來幼綿綿的鴨咪仔，佇五燭光的電火泡仔跤，用幼嫩靈巧的撒奶形，依倚佇四序的攬抱中。
雷光閃閃，秋風吹落雨點，澹濕的氣流踅過青仔埔。一片一片焦黃的葉仔、一蕊一蕊退色的花叢，位無人知影的角勢雄雄趖出來跳來舞去。毋管外面按怎風風雨雨，這个時陣我的後腦骨仔攏愛倒佇阿母軟軟綿綿的胸坎頂，身軀隨著伊的喘氣起起落落，耳孔斟酌聽伊講薛仁貴征東、王寶釧苦守寒窯十八冬、伶俐的細漢囡仔按怎修理惡毒的虎姑婆……誠好聽的故事，我一遍一遍撒奶阿母講了閣再講，就算伊足無閒，我嘛有辦法叫伊講。是故事的魅力，抑是數念予阿母疼惜的幸福，我嘛分袂清楚。
有時阿母較無閒，我就佮厝邊的囡仔伴，走去田中央走相掠，無著躡跤躡手創治田嬰，抑是拼死命纏綴兄哥in拍珠仔，佇日頭跤射落來五花十色的玻璃珠仔，相撞所發出來的清脆聲音，自頭到尾攏予我感覺誠心適（生成對旋律的佮意，成做後日仔對音樂的趣味）。見若in欲耍珠仔，我絕對欲綴著，兄哥的囡仔伴講我愛哭閣愛綴路，定定向兄哥抗議：「拜託你小妹莫來遮鎮跤鎮手好無，伊有够討厭的！」
原來我的跤閣擋著in彈過來的珠仔，若是這點，我一直攏足謹慎，但是珠仔滾輾的速度，攏比我的反應較緊，自按呢我變成in鑿目的查某囡仔。見若我予兄哥歹，我就會淒慘落魄吼，看著阿母我吼愈大聲，吼聲愈大表示予兄哥欺悔的程度愈大，當然囉，吼聲會隨著阿母罵兄哥的聲音慢慢仔細聲落來，我就是用這个法寶纏綴這一陣兄哥的囡仔伴。
In做夥毋是耍珠仔，無就是提著鳥phiak仔夾石頭，注神瞇一蕊目睭瞄準獵物，這个時陣我嘛開始無閒起來。見若榕仔樹頂飛來一隻鳥仔，我就連鞭雞婆（in講的）大聲共in通報。不而過，逐遍攏好心予雷唚，換來是一陣掃射的駡：「鳥仔攏予汝驚走矣，拜託汝較恬咧！」
我討衰仝款，家已恬恬坐佇樹仔跤，但是嘛專心看一仙一仙彎腰斟酌飄茫無定著的鳥仔群。當緊張的時刻，雄雄一團金星出現佇面前，頭頂一陣刺痛，我的雙手隨mooh牢頭殼，手心感覺澹澹黏黏，一看是血，「哇」大吼起來，逐家聽著我的吼聲趕緊走來身軀邊。兄哥將我抱牢咧，目睭青睨睨看彼个狡怪的人，第一遍感受著友誼，其中有人自動位橐袋仔提出一堆的珠仔囥佇我的面頭前講欲予我，但是叫我莫吼矣。雖然頭殼足痛，但是秋風吹來，撥開一層一層的烏雲，佇柔和的日頭跤輕輕仔飛，吼聲嘛輕輕仔飛走。平常時予人號做「狗綴路」，即馬煞變作「上勇敢的查某囡仔」。轉到厝，遵照兄哥的話忍痛共阿母講：「袂疼！」講嘛奇怪，流袂少血，嘴講袂痛，真正袂痛！不而過，這个袂痛的傷跡，即馬猶原閣有誠深的記號。
阿母無閒一工了後，倒佇眠床頂歇睏是伊上享受的時陣，但是一倒落來攏是喝遮痛遐痠，尤其是夏秋交替的季節，雙跤關節痠佮痛。若心情好，我會自動坐佇伊的尻川斗邊仔認真搥，搥甲予伊眞歡喜。我嘛感覺家己是一个友孝的囡仔，甚至閣為家己的行為感動，時常向兄哥in來展風神，講我是上乖的人；毋過，若搪(tng7)著我耍甲當趣味的時予阿母叫來，我會先佮伊出價参詳。伊講：「五百下。」我講：「三百下。」伊說：「一百下一仙。」看在錢的份上，我會儘量有耐性共搥。但是定定為著欲趕緊解決，算的速度會比動作較緊。心若放放，動作就離離落落，上尾佳哉聽著阿母講：「好矣！」我一秒鐘都無走閃，連鞭起來走到尾仔直去磋砣矣。
太平洋戰爭予美軍炸彈炸的一个水池，對我來講是幽美的大湖，就佇阮厝的門前差不多四百公尺爾爾。懸懸的竹抱仔佮低低的小野花，插濫圍佇菱角形的池仔邊。當秋風吹起，竹枝仔樹搖啊搖，竹葉仔親像吹啡仔叫啊叫，親像樂團咧演奏，鬧熱滾滾。另外佇水池仔內，鴨群悠游水中，in泅過的後面，有一條一條的水湧，湧佇我小小的心肝頂，起造一个童年的王國。見若我消失佇父母的目線，一定會當佇遮揣著一个頭頂縛兩條頭鬃尾仔、瘦閣薄板的小身影，當咧挖土、挽花……續落來規身軀難免的塗沙粉驚死道人，若掠轉來厝加減會予老母唸。伊一爿幫我褪衫褲，一爿洗我的跤手，淋佇身軀的水開始有淡薄仔冷矣。毋知是欲徙走老母的嘈嘈唸，抑是真正寒，我的身軀一直若勼、一直若顫，掠著阿母的手撒奶按呢講:「有够寒！」
阿母趕緊提衫褲幫我穿起來，舉頭看天：「嗯！秋天到矣。」自按呢我的身軀加(ke)穿一領衫。
童年的秋日，親像日光佇湖水頂面跳舞，繡織永遠袂退色的花氈仔。想欲變做玻璃珠仔，時常會當發出迷人的旋律；閣想欲變做一隻田嬰，隨時會當飛佇草枝頂仔風騷，予人掠袂著；嘛想欲變成彼隻水鴨，泅佇竹林佮水萍當中自由自在。
二. 少年的秋日
嬌寵嫵媚予天地不仁的殘踏，位劇變愁苦之中，滾躘佇淒慘佮向望的路途。
彼年熱天母親雄雄結束家己的生命，狂風暴雨拍佇清氣的天頂盤，玻璃珠仔沉碎佇烏雲遮咧的湳塗窟，水鴨仔激死佇一窟烏水裡。死神共人強扭落來，彼條本底準備永遠欲結佇頷頸的紅寶石頷鍊，續落佇塗跤予車輦軋碎去，干單賰一片紅貢貢的血跡留佇沙塗頂。無母親的氣脈咧走跳，宇宙閣有啥物意義呢？
阿母出山的陣頭佇赤炎炎的日頭跤進行，親像起痟的一个查某囡仔拼命抱牢牢母親玉體倒佇內底的紅硃大厝，斟酌扛大厝的工作人員欲將伊親愛的母親搡向塗空內。雷雨交加，瘦弱的身軀欲按怎抵會牢「塵歸塵、土歸土」的大道理啊！
當我看清現實的世界，嘛知影父親無可能實現伊的約束，佇阿母的厝邊起一間小厝予我徛，這个時陣已經是面對秋風稀微，淒涼無比的季節。秋日佇潛意識內煞變成愁意的源頭。如果火種代表折磨，烈火赤炎炎絕對看袂著軟啁啁的火星佇邊仔咧哀叫，我干單管家己鬱卒，無管四箍圍的世界。當有一工佇睏夢中，聽著老父捶心擘腹的吼聲，劃破孤寂恬靜的暝暗，驚醒我漸漸沉落的神經，雄雄發覺生命中袂使干單停留佇童年的寵恿(sing7)慣勢。了後，我接受電信局的考試，有另外的生活空間，屬於少女的青春生命漸漸仔活跳起來。一身軀的烏衫参滿腹的不安，慢慢行向有希望的未來。
菅芒花白霧霧佇風中飛，飛向鐵枝路兩爿一直湠長，一叢一叢相思仔黃花踮佇斜坡搖來搖去，親像咧向我拍招呼，我就按呢行入百花齊開的花園散步。
有一冬的秋天，查某伴結婚，我做伴嫁。無時間加無空間的觀念，想講台南離高雄干單幾分鐘的路程，就参伊相約佇欲暗仔的時陣。但是拄仔好，彼日的喜筵拖到一、二點鐘，續落去回程的車閣故障，一畷路舞到三更半暝才轉來高雄。我想講伊無可能佇暗摸摸的田岸路佮蠓仔鬥陣戇戇仔等！當咧懊惱時間的無情，甜蜜總是離我遠遠，雄雄一道火焰的光照對我的面前來，續落去一陣機車碰碰叫的聲音向我這爿騎來，一頭予秋風吹散去的頭毛，一排笑文文的白嘴齒，親像守護神出現佇我的眼前，予我驚喜迷醉。隔轉日伊揣我去看伊為著欲消磨時間囓甘蔗留落來的痕跡。這世人第一遍相思仔花蕊攬抱佇心肝頂，初戀的歌就按呢隨我佇雲河系內分佔著一个所在。
第二年中秋暝伊對我講：「咱來覆鼎金陪阿母過中秋節！」伊誠了解我的心，不而過，佇暗時的荒山中，欲揣阿母的厝可能有困難，伊心頭親像大衛王的定著：「緊！阿母咧等咱食月餅佮柚仔矣。」見若講著阿母，我的目箍就紅，伊陪我做夥流目屎，陪我做夥悲傷。伊跪落佇阿母的門口埕獻香按呢講:「我這世人一定欲好好照顧汝的查某囝。」月光是記持的鏡，啡仔聲佇風中飛舞，這敢是叫做愛的誓言？
但是，誓言是啥？伊會當佇伊母親的威脅之下，親像泡花飛佇空氣的色水爾爾。伊牽著伊母親佮意的女子的手行入「致美齋飯店」禮堂，拄仔好就是我上班的厝邊，伊是有意抑是無意，欲叫我看這幕世間上美好佮上殘酷的場面？伊結婚的前一暝閣對我甜言蜜語：「無論天涯海角，我永遠佮汝做夥。」上天！汝敢會當向我解釋這是啥款的愛情？
少年是媠，但是秋色重重，一點仔都感覺袂出媠的甜味，若有，是毋是叫做淒美矣！
三. 成年的秋日
果子已經離開的果子樹，伊用一世人的堅持，佇日頭佮烏影之間。
佇查某囝的婚禮，我講：「今仔日查某囝毋是嫁『出去』，囝婿嘛毋是娶『轉來』，是in倆人結婚，相互結合，組成幸福。」
查某囝参查甫囝攏是仝款經過坐胎、病囝、生產，但是，當行入生命重要的斡角，佇人為的傳統世俗，就有「出去」、「轉來」的差別。人類自我束縛的禮節就有夠複雜，為何袂當較簡單一下，減少自我的困擾。自按呢，查某囝的好日子，我就有這點的強調，嘛感謝親家教出一个優秀的後生，會當予我的查某囝有一个幸福的家。
不而過，咱所徛起的所在，欠缺轉斡的空地，因為春日百花四界開，蜜蜂無閒甲翅仔互相撞來撞去。誠濟新人行入禮堂了後，出問題並毋是當事人的代誌，顛倒是四箍圍的人，無閒著欲顯示in的重量。掠我的故事來講，幾个仝款有一日會結婚的人，in就有耐性對兄嫂誠斟酌咧監督，續落去，閣有查某囝嫁出了後，無義務轉來後頭厝友孝的理論。總講一句，攏是愛兄嫂做厝裡一切的代誌就對矣。一向背骨的我，保牢我這个婚姻，誠實的，應該是當時in認為無路用兄哥的功勞。當然矣，有一工in嘛食到做人媳婦的滋味，阿有小可改變。人！為啥物愛等到家已試著滋味了後才來覺悟？生命有限，會當有幾个雄雄覺悟的清醒？
為着避免親愛的人行仝款的怨嘆路，我攏是好禮仔將伊發落好勢。查某囝結婚嫁到台中（事實上，高雄嘛準備厝欲予in徛，阮有戇想的理念）。現此時伊已經做人的老母，一年見無幾遍面，慢慢仔感受著形勢比人強，伊眞正是嫁「出去」矣。想欲轉來後頭厝，除了有形（空課参囡仔）的牽纏以外，閣有無形的阻擋。有一冬的秋天，囝婿衝破困難重重，走閃老父的注意偷偷仔佮牽手、後生來高雄，安慰數念查某囝参外孫的丈人、丈姆。不而過，這畷孝行煞付出代價，家庭起大風波。根是人類上基本的數念，數念根的所在煞需要面對難題，叫人行佇刺仔埔頂是無人道的。
靈巧的孫仔目睭仁烏白分明，咧耍七彩的稜鏡，人性原初就是按呢清純透光，干單經過傷濟汚染變成混沌無光。咱到底是佇外面咧看三稜鏡的變化，抑是佇三稜鏡內彼寡混動的色花？秋日的感覺隨著歲月風華人生變化，親像三稜鏡滾動無仝的變貌。
中年的秋日已夠份矣，無閣是春日的嬌滴滴，夏日的紅赤赤，是秋收的穩定。日時的歌已經唱過矣，欲暗仔的旋律予巴哈來奏平衡律，引導彩色的構圖來重起文學的情景，用真善美的恬心來開光暗晡的燈火。
台文戰線作家們合影於台語文學講座後,右排第三位是李秀.
The Triangular Prism ofAutumn by Lee Hsiu
1. The autumn of childhood ---- the delicateflower opened its bud and cried, “Dear world, please don’t fade.”
The northwind of autumn blew into a hard shower, and puffed away a lot of leaves. The fallingleaves and the fading flowers of autumn were caught in the rapid whirls of theeddy whose wider circles moved quickly along the ground.
I pillowed myhead on my mother’s bosom. I was not only enjoying the rhythms of herbreathing, I also appreciated the stories she was telling me. She described howa clever child dealt with the virulent Gu-Po Hu; how a chaste woman Bao-ChuanWang waited for her husband for eighteen long years… I wasn’t bored, even afterhearing these stories many times. I wonder whether I was attracted by theinteresting stories or if I merely enjoyed snuggling close to my mother whenshe had leisure time.
Living withher extended family, my mother had a lot of housework to do every day. She wasalways busy. Thus I often went to the countryside with my playmates to play,such as pursuing fireflies, keeping silence to grasp dragonflies, or playinghide-and-seek…But my favourite activity was following my brothers to play withglass balls. Under the sunlight, the colorful glass balls were gorgeous. Iespecially desired the clear and crisp sound of those glass balls collidingwith each other. Longing for the sound of melody, I wonder if I was alreadyexpressing my love for music.
However, whenI trailed excitedly behind my brothers to watch their game of glass balls, Iheard their playmates complaining to my brother about me.
“Please askyour younger sister not to come here. Her behavior is upsetting our game.”
Unfortunately,even though I was extremely careful, my feet often blocked their shooting. Ialways explained that the speed of the running balls was too fast for me tomove in time. I became the focal point of their complaints. If my brothersblamed me for the mistake, I would act like it was the end of the world and runhome crying to Mother. The more loudly my brothers yelled at me, the moreloudly I cried. The sound of my weeping gradually disappeared as my Motherscolded my brothers for neglecting to look after me. Certainly, this was thepurpose of my crying; it was the best weapon I had. Thus I could follow mybrothers and their playmates wherever they played their game.
Generally,the boys either played the game of glass balls or took their slingshots toshoot at birds. When they narrowed their eyes in deep concentration, held theirbreath, focused on the game fowl, I would yell delightedly as I pointed out thebird to them. Although I couldn’t join their group to hunt the bird, I had goodvision and a strong voice to alert them when I saw a bird flying in the sky.But, despite my good intentions, they were always scolding me. “Keeping yourbig mouth shut, the birds are all frightened by you.”
I was greatlyinsulted but I obediently sat under the shade of big banyan tree. While I washaving a good time watching how funny they looked as they crouched low beforethey tried to shoot quickly moving birds, I was suddenly hit by a rock, andthen I felt a stabbing pain at the top of my head. My hands instinctivelytouched the painful place. When I saw my bloody hands, I cried loudly. The boysran quickly toward me. My brother grasped my body and looked angrily at hisplaymates who caused the accident. For the first time I was treated as aprincess. Moreover, one boy pulled out many colorful glass balls, which were myfavorite from his pocket to give to me. An autumn breeze was puffing away thedark clouds. I stopped weeping and accepted their warm friendship. The boys hadalways called me a crybaby and a pest. But now I was praised as a courageousgirl. Bravely enduring my pain, I promised my brother not to tell our Mother.Even though my head bled profusely, I said there was really no pain at all.However, this “no pain” wound in my head left a big scar forever.
Usually,after doing housework all day long, my Mother lay down on the bed because sheached all over, especially when summer changed to autumn. Then she asked me tomassage her legs by pounding them with my fists. If I was in a good mood, Iwould do it so that it was her happy time. Not only was I very much pleasedwith what I had done, but also I prided myself on being an obedient girl toshow up my brothers. However, if I was playing excitingly with my playmates andI was compelled to do so, I bargained with my mother over the price.
“500 times,”she asked for me.
“300 times,”I figured that 500 times needed ten minutes. It was too long to stop playingwith my playmates.
“For every100 times you do it I will give you 10 cents,” she weakly encouraged me.
“Ok.” Lookingat money, I did my best. But in order to finish quickly, I counted faster thanI actually pounded my fists.
Finally, Iheard my Mother said fragilely, “Enough…” and then I was running away as soonas possible to my favorite place. There was a small pond made from a bombdropped by the U.S.A. during World War Two.
The bomb madeit a pool of misery, but for me it was a happy pond just in front of my home.There was a row of tall bamboo fluttering in the wind, a lot of colorful wildflowers lying-low on the ground, and a swarm of ducks drawing out many rippleson the surface of the water. If I vanished from my parents’ sight, I was foundthere, a skinny girl in pigtails, who was busy either digging the soil to pickthe wild flowers or walking with light steps to chase the dragonflies.
When I wasfound by my Mom at this place that I called a “Holy Land,” my body was totallycovered in mud. Even though my Mother blamed me incessantly, she carefullyhelped me take off my completely dirty clothes. While I was bathing, I shiveredand murmured, “I am chilly.” I didn’t know if I was really cold or if I justwanted to stop her scolding words.
“Yes, fall iscoming in,” she said, as she gave me more clothes to wear. I felt warm astoast.
The autumn ofchildhood, is like sunlight dancing on the waves of the pond; restless shuttlesweaving a golden age. Therefore, I had colourful dreams. I wanted to become aglass ball to make a sound of delightful melody; I wanted to become a dragonflythat couldn’t be seized by people; I wanted to become a wild duck to swim inthe bamboo grove and water.
2. The autumnof youth hood ---- colorful dreams were destroyed by the world of wild storms.
One summerday Mother suddenly ended her own life. The sunny sky was darkened by theviolent storm; the glass balls were broken to pieces in the dark morass; the wildduck was suffocated in the dead water. The God of death pulled off my rubychain that I had been prepared to wear my whole life. Let it be cracked underthe wheel and left to bleed like a broken heart in the dust. Lacking myMother’s pulse, what on earth can breathe in this world?
My Mother’sfuneral procession carried me into a flame of sorrow. A crazed daughter graspedthe coffin as if it were really her Mother’s body as she tried to stop peoplefrom pushing her dear Mom into the grave. It was the day of thunder andlightning. How was such a slender weak girl able to resist the tradition,“earth to earth, ashes to ashes.”
Gradually, Iwoke up from my grievous suffering to face Mother’s death. It was undoubtedlytrue that my Mother was dead. My Father had promised to build a hut for mebeside my Mother’s grave. But it was impossible – living people could not livenear graves. However, when I recovered my consciousness, the miserable autumnwas starting. My subconscious was always affected by the fallen flowers of theseason.
If fire is asymbol of suffering, the raging fire is absolutely more powerful than gentleheat. Until one day at midnight, I was startled to hear Father crying his griefout as he crouched in a corner of our house. The sound of sorrow was a shock tome that made me to realize that I must move from the indulgences of childhood;I also should face the future.
Finally, Ipassed the employee test of the telecommunication company. Now that I had otherthings to focus on, my youthful energy was gradually aroused. I wore a blackoutfit into the first job of my life. In this mourning dress I stepped into myfuture.
Reeds grew inclusters all along the railway track; the acacias flowers of Taiwan unfoldedalong the path as if to woo and flatter the scenery. Unconsciously, this becamea love garden as I strolled through it. Surely, I could inflame some one’spassion.
Once I was abridesmaid at my girlfriend’s wedding. I was not only without common sense atthis time, but I also had no idea how far it was between Kaohsiuing and Tainan.Therefore, I felt free to promise a date with Chu in the evening at 6 pm.However, not only did I mistake the travel time, but the wedding dinner wasdelayed a long time. I didn’t finish my duties as a bridesmaid until twoo’clock in the morning.
I thought itwas impossible that he could wait in a field with mosquitoes all around in thedark night for eight hours. Annoyed with heartless time, I was disappointedthat happiness would always be far away from me.
Suddenly, Iwas surrounded by a strong light, and then I heard a motorcycle enginestarting. His hair was messed up by the autumn wind. A row of white teeth shonea bright welcome to me. Like a guard he had come to protect me. The next day,he showed me what was left of the sugar cane that he gnawed on to kill the timewhile he waited for me. Through Chu, I was carried out of my failed world intoa new world where I could flourish. The song of my first love was like birds inflowering groves.
The next yearon the mid-autumn festival night, he said passionately, “we should go toMother’s place to be with her, let the three of us together cheer the holidayunder the moon.” He really understood my mind, but I wondered whether it wouldbe very difficult to climb the wild hill in the dark night.
“Don’thesitate about that. Do it at once.” He was wild about it. “Hurry up, Mother iswaiting for us to eat the moon cake and the shaddock.”
Talking aboutmy Mother, my tears flowed like a broken river. He not only joined me in my weeping,but also sorrowed deeply about my mourning. Suddenly, he kneeled down to prayand swore an oath in front of my Mother’s yard. “I will look after yourdaughter forever. Her sadness is my gloom. Her happiness is my satisfaction aswell. I promise.”
The moonlightwas a memory mirror. Leaves fell from the trees to cover everything. The birdswere hopping about on their perches and twittering. Was this called the pledgeof marriage?
However, whatwas this pledge? It turned out to be a pledge that was easily broken when hewas threatened by his mother who wanted him to marry another girl. Not muchlater, he and his bride, who was his mother’s preference, had their weddingdinner near my office. Was this deliberate or neglectful on his part to let melook at this happy picture that did not include me? Moreover, after hiswedding, he still sent me these honeyed words, “whether I am near or far away,I will be with you forever.”
My dear God!Could you please tell me what kind of love this was?
People alwayssay that youth is beauty, but I only felt the dark of autumn. It could havebeen a little more beautiful, but ultimately it would still be sorrowful.
3. The autumn of adulthood ---- even after thefruit left the tree, the tree persisted in her undertaking to stand erectbetween the sunlight and the moonlight.
In Taiwan, itis traditional for the bride to “marry out”, which means she is expected tolive with her husband’s family. The groom is expected to “marry in”, whichmeans he stays with his parents’ family. The wedding custom of Taiwan is sodifferent for daughters and sons that I had some words to say at my daughter’swedding. “Today my daughter is not to marry off and my son-in-law is not tomarry in as well. They are both consummating a marriage, mutually unifying intoone happy family.”
Even thoughboth daughters and sons have the same genes, the same flesh and blood, they area division between off and in when they marry. Sometimes custom is a tyrant.Human history has been tied up by too much etiquette. Why shouldn’t we livemore simply? Therefore, I placed more emphasis on the “marry off and marry in”issue in my speech. Of course, I also thanked my son-in-law’s parents forraising such an outstanding son. As a result, my daughter got a happy family.
However,although we lived in an infinite world, when we marry off our daughters theyhave no space to make a turn. Like flowers in full bloom with honeybeesbustling busily and then dashing into each other, many couples run into troublethat shouldn’t be their problem. In the new family there is a crowd of peoplein front of the couple wanting to show their power and just making the coupleunhappy. For example, there was my story. I was anti-traditional. I couldn’tstand all the bad behaviors in my new family. In order to keep my marriage Iconsidered giving credit to their so-called useless brother. Every one hasabsolutely the same problem in their own life when they married.
O poor human,why should you have personal experiences and then you don’t raise yourconsciousness? How many times have you made the same mistakes over and overagain in your limited life? My way of trying to prevent my daughter from havingthe same unreasonable rules was to cautiously protect her.
My daughtermoved from the south of Taiwan (Kaohsiung) to the middle of Taiwan (Taichung)after she married. We also prepared a house in Kaogsiung for them if she neededto come back to her former nest. After she became the mother of two children,we had no time to reunite with each other even to celebrate special events,such as our birthdays.
Finally, Iconcluded that she was really married off and my son-in-law was married in.Thus she couldn’t go back to her original family whenever she was missing us.In fact, she not only had been hobbled by her children and her job, but alsoshe had been obstructed by something unpleasant. To offer an illustration, oneautumn, my son-in-law had secretly arranged for his wife and children to go toKaohsiung to have a comforting visit with me and my husband. However, he paid asteep price for this trip because his father was furious at being kept in thedark. My daughter had come to Kaohsiung in search of her roots. Nevertheless,her missing roots had to face the thorns that formed her father-in-law’s inhumanity.
With hisbright clear eyes, my clever grandson was playing with a colorful triangularprism; all human beings are capable of such behavior, but the process ofbecoming an adult often causes us to be in a state of chaos. Is it the changesoutside the prism – all over the earth- that changes us, or is it the movingcolourful flower on the inside of the prism of ourselves that changes us?
The feelingof autumn following a life of change has a different style; like a rollingtriangular prism, there are varyingly appearances. The autumn of adulthood is atime of maturing, no longer like the delicate flower of spring and thebrilliance of summer. It is the readiness of an autumnal harvest.
The song ofdaytime has been sung. Let the peaceful melody of Bachr surround my literarylife in the evening. As I turn on my night light, I am looking for a true, goodand beautiful mind to accompany my future.
Surely, dayscome and ages pass, and autumn moves my heart in many a guise, in many arapture of joy and of sorrow.
(註明:最近刊出台語詩後迴響不少，為了讓讀者欣賞台語文學的優美，特別徵得台文戰線女作家李秀的同意，轉載她的台語散文。李秀的華語作品曾獲吳濁流學獎及多個文學大獎，是我非常敬佩的前輩文學家，近年她嘗試用母語寫作，無論是童詩或台語詩或台語散文，成績都相當可觀，宋澤萊老師曾為她的童詩寫了一萬字的評論，盛讚她的文學成就，這裡徵得她的同意，轉載一篇台語及英語雙語散文。能夠用母語及英語雙語寫作的文學家不多，李秀的努力在文學界備受肯定 。)
她的台語作品延伸閱讀，台文戰線聯盟:
http://twnelclub.ning.com/
【音樂】
Μάνος Λοϊζος ~ Πόσοσ΄ αγαπώ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joiPJSGOGcI&feature=related/
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