After my epic fail to chase a girl for the first time, as per the norm, I've been trying to work out what went wrong.
I think I finally have an answer.
You see, I failed because I was too wound up in my warped perception of who she is, and how I felt about her, I failed to act 'normal' and actually get to know her. Stupid hey? I came across too needy, too desparate, if not a little eccentric and easily excited, and on top of that a little too self conscious and tempremental...I HATED girls like that, and yet I became one to try to impress her? Idiot. It makes no logical sense now but at the time I was too thick to realise my mistake.
Anyway the past is the past, with my ego slightly deflated, I'm finally getting over the whole debacle.
However, my realisation also got me thinking.
I used to believe in things like, instant connection/chemistry, love at first sight etc etc. This stemmed from my ideology of one true love and soulmate sort of a thing. Whilst I still believe in soulmate and I do give considerations to love at first sight, I'm starting to wonder if the notion was inherent to my easy infatuation with her.
How does one distinguish love from infatuation? Infatuation prompts one to imagine things way in advance and therefore is likely to scare the target off, love is a smooth and overflowing feeling that will linger for a much longer time frame. I was infatuated, I imagined things that weren't there, feelings that weren't developed yet, so naturally my quest was unrequited.
I should learn to be less infatuated right away, I should be smitten next time AFTER the person had shown herself an interesting person, not before she had done anything real cool except in my figment of imagination. That's the lesson.
On a side note, I've experienced 'lust at first sight' lately. I never thought it possible, for the first time I felt a strong physical reaction to someone without my heart skipping a beat. I was perfectly clear headed, my chest felt like the Grand Canyon - vast and void, but I was wet and my head was in the gutter, I truly didn't know I was capable of such a reaction.
I guess it's a good thing, despite my somewhat difficulty in distinguishing love and infatuation, at least I know what lust feels like and won't mistake that with love or infatuation. One down, two to go? Perfectly in control.
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