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38愛的鼓勵 9訂閱站台

To see the mountain like its original shape again

A famous Gestalt Therapist, Miriam Polster, once offered a theory to describe patients’ psychological growth in counseling. According to her idea, it is a three- stage growth. The first stage is called “Discovery.” In this stage, the patient can either obtain a new discovery of himself, an enlightenment of old situation, or a new idea toward his significant others. The second stage is called “Accommodation. “ This is a critical period for the patient, a second chance for him to re-recognize himself, and an important turning point in the counseling process. The third stage is called ” Assimilation.” In this stage, the patient is able to deal with whatever happens to him actively, not just passively accept everything. In a word, he has completed the transfer and developed confidence in himself.

It is just like the idea originally offered by the famous Buddhist master: Chin Yuan Shin Si describing his comprehension of Zen Buddhism. This idea explains his searching of truth, which, in his word, can be divided into three stages：to see the mountain in its original shape, to see the mountain in a different shape, and to see the mountain like its original shape again. This is also like the ways to describe how we develop our understanding of the world. In the first stage, we naïvely believe everything as it appears, until we live through many frustrations and get lost in the real world. At length, we get into a phase of puzzle and struggles, the second stage. In this stage, deeper do we start to understand the world. We become realistic and rational, and the mountain is no longer the same one, literally speaking. The last stage is the one we finally understand the world. Inside us are persons going through hardship of real lives. But we can see clearly the mountain again, though with our own explanations.

That is also how I went through my life, a person who was happy and simple, ignorant of the reality, and judging things through only right and wrong, until I was forced into a world, more complicated and resentful. Years of years I was struggling and puzzling, through hardship, betrays and frustrations. Finally, I am more clearly of myself and transcend myself into a better one. Looking back, I realize how naive I once was. However, my happiness has turned into anger toward the world as I grew older and knew more of the world. For ten years, I have stayed that way till all of a sudden a decade has gone, and not young was I anymore. How many ten years can a person have?

   To transcend yourself, what a simple word, yet, a difficult thing to accomplish！ After all, it requires wisdom to be insightful, takes courage to be responsible and be able to admit making mistakes. Not to mention, accepting reality is not equal to be responsible. Being responsible doesn’t represent actual change. And all those changing phases are embarrassing processes of mind.   

That’s why it’ s so hard for me to forgive all those who suffered me, and all those mistakes I made. Resentful I was, mocking coldly at others’ mistakes and the world until I was brought back to reality by a letter from America. I was informed that my best friend had a cancer. In a rush did I go to Atlanta, a familiar abroad to me. 

Lying on my friend’s bed, I couldn’t stop crying that night. Repeatedly I thought about the regret and anger she had toward her failure to make the test of cancer earlier. Suddenly it came to clear how trifling my mistakes were compared with hers. I realized even though I was in my middle-age, I was still healthy and wealthy enough to travel the world. But no more could she do all of those she loves to do. All my resentment and anger toward the world really should have stopped now.

Thinking deeper into life, I realized nobody makes no mistakes. That’s life. The reason I couldn’t forgive others was because I couldn’t forgive myself. The reason I condemned and mocked at others was because their suffering wasn’t mine until the real circumstance hit my best friend, until she had to suffer for the cancer. Unceasingly I cried over my pain to lose her, and my past. Finally I forgave myself. This trip has become my farewell trip to the past. So was my resentment.

   The way I could only see the mountain as it looked like was because I was too innocent, though it made me happy. To see the mountain in a different shape means that I was not wise enough to relieve myself of my hatred. And at last that I was able to see the mountain as it should be was because I learned to forgive. Like Lynn Hall once said：We didn’t change. We just became more clearly ourselves. The world doesn’t change. It is my mind that makes it different. It is forgiveness, understanding and tolerance that change the color of the mountain.