蚊子變好多，夏天要來了。
陽光好燦爛，爬山好青春。
貓貓好瘦，我想跟她說話。
I’ll overcome these problems eventually, I know that, but I just couldn’t get rid of all the frustrating thoughts in my mind.
I just couldn’t help but crying. I bursted into tears while I was talking to my friend. At first, I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want anyone feel like I was complaining or I couldn’t bear my life.
I know that I was not beated by the report, I was beated by my own thoughts. I just couldn’t be optimistic.
Maybe all of these are just excuses. Maybe I AM the weakest and worst person, it’s just I myself don’t want to admit it.
I want to reach the standard that I set for myself. I want to be a better person. I want to learn everything. I want to do this job well.
I feel nothing but tired. I just want to have somebody to be with me and face all the stuff all the bullshit. I thought I was a independent person, but it turns out that I’m not. I’m just a weak and dependent little girl. I couldn’t get anything done well. I can’t even handle my life well. I can’t control my emotion.
What can I do?
Maybe I can kill myself.
Yeah, you’re right. It’s my own life, and there’s no one can help me unless I myself can figure out. Thanks for your company. I said that I can see clearly finally which means that everyone will leave me eventually, no matter how close we are now. I can say that you don’t really care about me, do you? You just care about the report. Am I your really friend? Yeah, we are close, but it’s outer or inner? I can’t tell. Though I’m close with Lin, he’s other girl’s boyfriend. So, who do I have? Everyone is not really care about me. I know that.
I just want everything done very well.
Everyone told me not to stress myself out. Do I have a choice? You can choose to progress or be beated by others. And I’m graduating from school. What do I have? I really don’t know.
I don’t like to tell other what I feel because I don’t want others to think I’m a weak person. Sometimes I’ll think that why do others be so optimistic and confident all the time, why can’t I? And everytime I think of this, I couldn’t help viewing myself as a worst person. I guess that I hold back my feelings too much. But I want other to see me as a strong person. I want to be stronger. I don’t want to need anyone.
I know I’ll be fine eventually.
But I also know that this thought will appear again and again in my coming life.
If I can’t figure out, I just want to kill myself.
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