< 大姊的婚紗照側拍 >
曾經以為大姊的那顆心是屬於朋友和男友的，不是屬於家人的。
曾經和大姊的距離好遙遠，直到我年過二十三，大姊年過二十六的那一年，
我的所見所聞逐漸能與大姊的生命經歷促膝常談。
或許長女與么女的思考模式真的很不相同吧！
同樣一件事情，我和大姊的反應像是火星與水星，八竿子打不著邊際。
於是公說公有理，婆說婆有理，大姊說的有道理，小妹講的歪理也是一種理。
身為長女的大姊，從小就被爸媽教育要當妹妹們的楷模，
而成長過程中的大事小事好事壞事，她都是走在最前頭，
必須站在前線勇敢抗敵的革命先烈，引領著我和二姐向前邁進。
高中選組也好，聯考也好，戀愛也好，當年大姊獨自承受這些壓力，
風風雨雨吵吵鬧鬧地走了過來。
但是萬萬沒想到，凡事走在第一位的大姊，竟然在婚姻市場裡，
被小妹領先一步。有沒搞錯，那個一直高唱女性主義，
不擅於談情說愛的小妹，竟然比大姊率先攻入「圍城」，邁向紅毯嫁做人妻。
但大姊依舊是大姊，小妹依舊是小妹。
缺乏足夠與異性相處經驗的小妹，婚後還是得透過大姊這位感情顧問，
共商大事。
當別人有問題找google或是律師時，小妹我找的是---大姊。
大姊的自省能力很高，對於感情的道德標準也很高，
她從九年的戀愛學分裡所領悟到的「智慧」，
常讓我和二姐的牢騷或是抱怨顯的一文不值。
每當我在msn 上跟大姊叫苦，
她總是回我一句：「妹妹，妳讓我對你很失望。」
是的，被大風大浪訓練過的冷靜如水晶的大姊，從不會因我的牢騷而哄我，
或是說我想聽的話來平息我的怨言。
大姊會寫很長很長的信，對我曉以大義。
我知道在大姊的眼中，我永遠都是那個小她三歲，幼稚的可以的小妹。
儘管有時大姊的嚴肅讓人不寒而慄，但是大姊對我的好，
有她自己的風格。
去年底回台北，我抱怨著在芝加哥的我變成一隻「鐵母雞」，
明明自己也有存款，但就是捨不得買雙像樣的女鞋給自己。
別說鞋子了，基本的乳液和保養品，也被我這隻鐵母雞列為
「非民生必需品」，除非冷到臉脫皮，不然我真的忘記我也是個女人，
需要好好維持青春和美麗。
鐵母雞的抱怨，大姊竟然聽進去了。她給了我四千元新光三越的禮券，
要我拉著最懂服飾與打扮的二姐，去百貨公司買雙好鞋給自己。
挑鞋子的那天，二姐的男友也去了。
說到挑鞋子，我是沒啥概念的，因為我覺得每一雙鞋看起來都差不多。
我只會分高跟鞋、平底鞋、布鞋、脫鞋、還有靴子。
於是二姐說，挑一雙舒適好走路，樣式又合妳胃口的吧！
在眼花撩亂的鞋子世界裡就快失去耐心的我，
好在有二姐和她男友在一旁加持。
這對小情侶很有耐心地幫我四處搜尋，而我也信任二姐的眼光。
幾番試穿後，決定買下她--平底，圓頭有縐折，半可愛半嫵媚的黑鞋。
二姐的男友說：「這雙鞋比較有女人味。」
這雙真皮黑鞋原價兩千多，特價一千八。買了。
其實這是我第一次，買這麼「高級」的女鞋給自己。
而「金主」依然不是對自己很小氣的自己，是大姊。
買了這一雙嫵媚鞋還不夠，二姐說我需要一雙摩登時尚的「靴子」。
於是走著走著，從二樓逛到四樓，又從四樓逛回二樓，
買下這一雙也是平底，但是看起來頗modern 的女靴。
原價2500，沒有特價。
算一算，兩雙鞋加總起來，哇，超過四千元禮券的預算，於是，多餘的部分，
芝加哥鐵母雞決定自己買單。
大姊，謝謝妳對我的好，也在此特別謝謝二姐與她的男友，
百忙中抽空陪我去買鞋。
每當我看到這兩雙鞋，腦海裡就會浮起你們對我的好。
上帝是很公平的，
他知道我不懂叢林生存法則也不懂得打扮，
所以賜給我兩個很擅於打點服飾的姊姊為我護航。
姊姊說：
芝加哥的鐵母雞，也應該活出和孔雀一般亮麗的羽毛。
For a quite long time, I had been considering that my elder sister’s
heart and soul belonged to her friends and boyfriend but not to her
family. The distance between my heart and hers was very far until
I was twenty-three while she was twenty-six, since at that time, my
scope of life gradually kept up with hers, letting us have
heart-to-hart talks.
You know, the thoughts of a firstborn are really different from them
of a last-born. Our responses to an event are quite different, just
like I am from the Mars and she is from the Mercury, and there is no
linking between us. Since that, she insists on her opinions while I
cling to my ideas.
As the firstborn in my family, my elder sister was educated to be a
model of her younger sisters. She was always walking in front of us,
experiencing good things and bad things earlier than us. She had to be
in the battlefront, fighting the enemy such as entrance exams and naïve
romances, leading her younger sisters to follow her steps.
She bore such huge pressures alone in her teens and twenties,
though there were storms and rains all the time, she overcame these
challenges.
It seems that she faced each kind of challenge the first, however,
unexpectedly, in the marriage market, her youngest sister got married
earlier than her . What is wrong with all about this? The one who was
always emphasizing post-feminism and also not good at affairs took the
city of marriage first, walking on the red carpet to be someone else’s
wife.
No matter what happens, the firstborn is always the firstborn, and the
last-born is always the last-born.
Since I lack enough experience of getting along with men, I often turn
to my elder sister for advice when something is wrong. While others
ask ”google” or lawyers for help, I ask my sister for sincere words.
My elder sister has a good ability of self-reflection and a higher
demand of morality. The wisdom she gained from her nine-year love
credit points often makes her younger sisters’ complaints or gripes
not worth a pin. Whenever I complain something to her over msn,
she is always against me and types: You let me down so much.
See, after fighting the williwaw and the billows three years ago,
my sister is now as calm as crystal, which makes her use rational words
rather than emotional words to save my problems. Sometimes, she wrote
a letter to show her opinions and concerns for me.
I know in my elder sister’s mind, I am always the one who is three
years younger than her, and I am always the childish youngest sister.
大姊出錢, 二姐出力, 送給我的鞋
不再下雪的三月，我就要穿裙子配美靴囉！
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