坦白說，香港的夜色已不再美，沒有星星、沒有朗月、更沒有寶藍的長空了。想，那一年一度為牛郎織女而築的喜雀橋，或許也被重重厚霧所籠罩，抹殺醉人氣氛。
曾經，輕倚著你，手挽手，一起看星數心事的片段，今都跟銀河俱往矣…剩下的，只是一疊疊你離港後的情書。異地戀的男女，就如牛郎織女般…總把等待變成浪漫詩意的事…
My Dearest I.
I know it won’t be fine waiting for somebody’s calling up; especially the person that is calling up is as hateful and stupid as me. But, don’t you agree that the word, “waiting” implies that there are still some hopes and it will be always better than nothing.
(我知道等待別人來電是件難熬的事，尤其像等待我，好一個令你既憎且恨的愚蠢人。但你可知道，妳的「等待」，仍含有希望的意思，那總比一切皆空好。)
On the contrary, to me, a new definition of the word “waiting” has been established. It carries no hope at all. I’m waiting for your call even though I am clear of the fact that I’ll never get it. All because I miss you, I love you.
(可是，對我來說，我卻為「等待」一詞下了個新定義。那是沒半絲希望的。即使我明知不可能，但我仍等待你的來電。那只因我惦記著妳、我愛著你。)
Apart from that, do you know how depressed I am when I know you still haven’t got the tape and pictures ready? I’m always expecting. I’m on the rim of schizophrenia. I don’t want to live in the world of fantasy any more. I want reality. I want to touch your face tenderly, I want to hold your hands and I want to kiss your lips. Everything important to me is so far away, out of my reach.
(妳可知道當我聽到那些影帶和照片仍未準備好時，我是多麼失望？我總盼望著啊…我已徘徊於精神分裂症之邊緣。我不再想活於幻想的世界內，我要的是現實。我是如斯希望能輕撫妳的臉龐、拉著妳的手、再深吻妳。一切對我最重要的，都是那麼遙遠而觸不到。)
By the way, I’ve tried not to call you. It’s a great suffering. I can’t live without you. Someone says “Out of sight, out of mind”. I don’t think it will ever happen to me even though I am eager to get back some self-control, but not to that extreme.
(我總想克制自己不致電給妳，可是，那卻叫人心痛欲絕。沒有妳，我怕不可生存下去。有些人說「久離情疏」。但這是我今生無法做到的事。即使我是多麼想找回一點自制能力，可是，我也不想是個極點。)
Frankly, when I heard that you have cried for me, I immediately felt so headache. I even got a dump in my throat. I really don’t know what to say at that moment. I don’t want you to be hurt, I just want your smile, it’s so bright and sweet.
(老實說，當我聽到妳為我淌哭時，我立時頭昏腦脹、鬱悶沮喪。那一刻，我真不知該說什麼。我不想看到妳受傷害，只想看見妳的笑臉，那是多燦爛、多甜美。)
I love you, I truly love you. I wanna see you in my dream tonight. Take care, honey.
(我愛妳，我真的愛妳…我想在今夜夢裡看到妳…保重，我的愛人。)
Yours,
S.
…這是我有生以來，收到最令人心痛又最感甜蜜的情書。今一字不改的公開了，還附個自製中文版，相信他不會介意吧…因為我已先公開了自己的。兩封情書當然並不依次，前者是我最後寫給他的信，而後者則是我倆離離合合期間的一封。為什麼我可以保存自己所發出的？因為，那是當年打回頭的信。對，那時我明知他已離開該地，但仍寄了一封不想他看到真心話的信…
相愛而未懂愛的年少人，今各有至愛，所留著的，就是那份不朽的情了。而年前的重遇，相信是上天讓我們為心中記掛畫上一個句號。
(附註：圖為油塘炮台山遠觀之夜景，那是我跟他難忘的舊地之一。鳴謝：
www.fotop.net/philipyu/yautong 。雖然情書中的人，也曾經是我視為終身的最愛。可是，今已被否決了，因為，迄今，我的至愛，就只有你…我的丈夫。誰說一生最愛多不是自己的終身伴侶？我想，這應是上天對情路幾經滄桑的我所賜予的一份厚禮。)
(惜 070507)
