總是有回程,才能看盡風霜
才能從風裡,探視過往
從舢舨路的老家出發,
往烏鬼洞的方向走,
山坳與沙灘所在的老家
立即出現險阧坡
清晨陽光已烈
悶著頭踩到坡中央
順著修築的水泥路滑向鷹仔石的沙灘
綿延的白砂,幾無人煙
坐在那裡聽潮
距上一次岩邊靜凝端坐
已經六年了
研究所的同學們,在海濱戲水,如今散落各地
但混身是白砂,捲起袖子與褲管嬉戲的景像還依稀
聽著自己濃重的呼吸
已經很習慣的痠楚
從腳底傳來,車子爬到頂時
總有開闊
最大片的沙灘,因一顆側看老鷹的珊瑚礁岩聞名
再過去的凹陷處就是我出生的小漁港
印象最深的是還沒讀國小前,常被帶回小琉球
有一年,傳說有漁民從國外回來,
捕到一隻很大的蝙蝠
供人參觀,只要一元
阿媽牽著我的手,走了好遠好遠的路
進到臨時搭起的棚架
看著醜陋蝙蝠,大大地一團
張手攀住籠子,臂上連到腳底的膜
更顯得詭異
長得後才知道越過一個阧坡
其實舢舨路跟烏鬼洞並不遠
唯一的解釋是,小時候步幅太小
路顯得更長
長大後真正讓我悸動的
是圖片裡最右側的海蝕平台
那裡有個海蝕洞
住民喚它死囝仔洞
故名思議,那裡有很多死掉的小孩子
死囝仔孔位於漲潮線上,
大潮沒法將它漫滿
當時窮困的小漁村,嬰兒死亡率很高
住民會在清晨潮滿時,
滑著舢舨,將死嬰丟到洞裡頭
我自己有個姐姐,出生時就是死嬰
年少哀愁時,總會想
如果姐姐活著有多好
我會有個姐姐,
跟大哥.二哥年歲差很多,等我大些,他們早已成家
媽媽說,待產期在冬天,那時得大肚子仍得下海捕鰻苗
卻不知它已死在子宮裡
也沒有安胎養身,母親也沒惹上敗血症
仍得下水工作
我從沒問姐姐的屍體到底如何處理
是不是也被丟到死囝仔洞內
我在坡頂的涼亭看著海岸
哼著愛爾蘭歌手Mary Black的「愛爾蘭之歌」
Walking all the day, near tall towers
Where falcons build their nests
Siver winged they fly,
They know the call of freedom in their breasts
Saw black head against the sky
With twisted rocks that run down to the sea
Living on your western shore,
Saw summer sunsets, asked for more
I stood by your atlantic sea
And sang a song for ireland
Talking all the day with true friends
Who try to make you stay
Telling jokes and news,
Singing songs to pass the night away
Watched the galway salmon run
Like silver dancing darting in the sun
Living on your western shore
Saw summer sunsets, asked for more
I stood by your atlantic sea
And sang a song for ireland
Drinking all the day in old pubs
Where fiddlers love to play
Someone touched the bow,
He played a reel
It seemed so fine and gay
Stood on dingle beach
And cast in wild foam we found atlantic bass
Living on your western shore,
Saw summer sunsets asked for more
I stood by your atlantic sea
And sang a song for ireland
Dreaming in the night i saw a land
Where no man had to fight
Waking in your dawn
I saw you crying in the morning light
Lying where the falcons fly,
They twist and turn all in you e’er blue sky
Living on your western shore,
Saw summer sunsets asked for more
I stood by your atlantic sea
And sang a song for ireland
最後的激憤感激,應適合崖頂上的生者
遠望島嶼生靈哀戚,骨肉分隔的所在
海風從底奔起
起身,
開始我縱貫島嶼山崚台地的路乘
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