Happiness Fleeting
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"You cannot capture happiness no matter how hard you
may chase after it. Happiness is something that follows you." The words of the
old sage echoed in the young man's heart, sounding a constant beat like the song
that plays over and over without reprieve. "What does that mean?" he asked
himself. "Time to walk," he continued, trapped in his own inner
dialogue.
He thought about how many ways he tried to find lasting
joy-from the cheap thrills to the bigger emotional investments that still left
him bankrupt, at square one, with no more to show than a few scars and wrinkles
and perhaps a tiny glimpse of what to avoid-far from any solution, more like a
the-pain-will-stop-when-you-stop-smacking-yourself-with-the-baseball-bat
approach that moved nothing forward.
At least it didn't move
back.
Or did it?
"The pursuit of pain avoidance will never lead to
Happiness," he mused inside his aching head, an ache that scratched his soul,
dug deep into his bowels to trouble and torment him, turned his stomach green, a
sickly, hungover nausea that clung like ivy smothering a chimney. "I've gotta'
figure this out," he demanded, "I wanna' be happy."
He kept one foot in front of the other, as if the
forward march would somehow will the understanding to step forth and make itself
known. No such luck-though he vowed to keep on.
His slow gait opened
space for introspection-plod, seek, plod, seek. The mental wheels spun, though
he wrestled with a vague notion that only in stillness would answers emerge or
materialize.
"I can't capture Happiness but I yearn for it. I try to do
the right things yet it eludes me, like pushing a string. When do the right
things add up? When is enough enough? How do I reel it in? Or can I?" His legs
carried him while his mind churned.
"I know I can't look outside myself
but how do I look within? How does looking help anyway? What do I do with what I
see?"
He tripped over a protruding stone and found himself falling, a
gash on the knee, a burn on the palm of his hand.
He sat for a long
while, watching the wounds leak, a queer smirk across his lips.
"What's
that about?" he pondered.
Despite his stuff, he felt a smile creep upward
from his chin. It spread into a grin, like the sun rising between two mountain
tops, filling the space with pale light that gains strength with each passing
moment, a space that floods with pinks and reds and causes the valley between
the crests to stream awakening to all below.
He suddenly knew, as we all
know, in that profound and knowing place, that the rock that sent him tumbling
spoke a universal truth.
Only he could pry open the creaking, groaning
door that hid his darkest secrets as well as his enlightenment and build a
pathway for Happiness to alight and embrace him.
He licked the blood from
his wrist and tasted himself, glanced down at his torn jeans, the naked flesh
speckled with bits of gravel, glanced up and discovered an emerald green tree
line, a blue sky, a stray cloud, a soaring hawk and a glowing eye that stared
back at him and gave him, for a hushed moment, a tiny piece of Happiness.
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