It turns out that men are just as frustrating now as they were when you first became aware of their existence.
Men are ridiculously pig-headed and stubborn.
They are completely unable to express their feelings, because men have no idea what real strength is.
Men are obsessed with size and appearance.
They are inherently jealous and suspicious, often paranoid about relationships; and will go to great lengths to avoid commitment.
And you know all those children pet habits they had that you thought they would eventually grow out of?
Well, they don’t.
Basically, they are unreliable and goofy, because the fact is, man are not very bright.
It’s no wonder, then, that trying to have a quality relationship with a man can be the best way to bring on a migraine.
Of course, it’s easy to ignore the downside and all the warning signs when an exciting new romance is just starting.
At this stage, you not only accept his pointless interests, you embrace them as “cute” and “quirky”.
You may even try to involve yourself in his silly games to maximize “quality time” together.
You’ll do everything you possible can to maintain the relationship’s momentum.
So you can’t hear, or won’t listen to, that little voice inside your head whispering” Danger, danger, danger! Loser alert! Loser alert!”
You don’t rust your female intuition that something unpleasant is about to happen.
Instead, you put all your feelings, hopes, and dreams into his hands, becoming a complete romantic martyr.
And then, all of a sudden, you com crashing down to earth in the most dramatic fashion imaginable.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Another nightmare relationship!
“D’oh!” You can’t believe it’s happened again.
Meanwhile, XXX is flaunting more “ice” than Alaska, and seems well on her way to having a dream family with perfect teeth and no body odor. Can you imagine her life?
“Wow, Mommy, that turkey sure looks like George Hamilton, Mmmmm!”
No thanks.
All in all you’re left feeling like you’ve been soaking in a bathtub full of squid livers. Men, yeee-uck! Who needs them?
But id dedicating yourself to a chaste life of religious devotion, high fiber granola, and sensible underwear the only way for a modern woman to find true bliss?
No, it probably isn’t.
In your heart you know how life is supposed to turn out. We’ve all seen how Mother Nature brings two creatures together in the right place at the right time.
They then fall madly in love and live happily ever after.
And so you ask yourself: “If a penguin can have a worthwhile, stimulating relationship, why the hell can’t I?”
Or maybe you ask yourself: “Would I be happier if I started dating a penguin?”
This might sound like a stupid question until you wake up and realize that men and women do not always form the natural union you’ve been led to believe. And thus, in some cases a woman needs a man like a bear needs a bicycle (or is it “like a fish needs a snowmobile”?)
Anyway, the point is that men and women are essentially different species, which is why it can be so hard for them to stay together.
It’s that men have a reduced mental capacity that warps their perception of reality and ability to reason. They have a terribly deluded sense of self-importance, which makes it very difficult for them to interact with more intelligent life-forms.
In layman’s term, as a species, men are simply not as evolved as women.
This is obviously the cause of the painfully backward male attitude toward relationships, which I’m pleased to say has gradually been refined over the last million years, although there us still substantial room for improvement.
What men desperately need are good male role models. Sadly, there are none.
Even if we could build a “perfect man” from scratch, he would still have flaws. You must embrace this fact if you wish to stay sane.
(Believe me, some of our greatest minds have gone mad in their vain attempts to eradicate male flaws.)
In terms of strange behavior, it doesn’t get much more bizarre than when a man attempts to secure a woman’s romantic interest.
Men have a perversely simple sexual agenda that can best be described as an overwhelming blend of vanity and urgency.
“Hey, look at me.” “Look at me!” “Look at meeeeeeee!!!”
It’s not uncommon for a young woman with low self-esteem to find this superficial display both intoxicating and compelling. Without thinking, she dives right in to the fray with an equally superficial response.
She begins to fret about her appearance rather than focus on her many outstanding qualities as an intelligent human being.
“Will he think I’m sexy enough?”
“Will he find me wholesome enough?”
“Is he allergic to feathers?”
Such concerns are demeaning and detract from what really makes a woman attractive – confidence, intelligence, charisma, purpose, dignity, and a relaxed sense of self.
When such important principles are overlooked, a woman will try far too hard to impress her date, which can only create unrealistic expectations for future outings and be injurious to her health and reputation.
One of the keys to a successful relationship is knowing what you’re looking for –
You might not have room in your life a man right now. But even if you don’t know what you want, you should acknowledge that and go on from there.
(Men don’t know what they want either, but they don’t even know that they don’t know. This is clearly not a good platform to build a relationship on.)
When you are evaluating a potential “Mr. Right” candidate, the only important questions are about how you feel. Do you feel special?
Do you feel loved and respected? Do you feel that the relationship is bringing out your best?
Too often women get bogged down on incidental issues, like “What is his mother like?”
“How would we look going out together?” and “How many relationships has he been in?”
Wondering about such abstruse hypothetical like “What kind of father would he be?” and “How might he look in fifty years?” are really just a form o self-inflicted mental abuse.
So forget about the past or the distant future. There is no way to reveal your destiny other than to make it turn out the way you want it to.
Anyway, no one can really see into the future, and anyone who says they can is not someone whom you would like to be stuck next to on a long international flight.
Of course, women who focus on style over substance eventually find what they want: a devilishly handsome man who is oh-so-smooth and sophisticated, is built like an ancient god, and is not afraid to cry during old movies.
In short, an absolute angel.
There’s just one itsy-bitsy problem…
And if you think finding out that Santa Claus is really just a fat old man with a hairy bottom and a fake heard was a horrific surprise, just wait till you come home to find your boyfriend trying on your underwear with his “squash buddy.”
This merely serves to remind us once again how important it is to listen to that little voice inside your head when it says “MR. WRONG!”
It’s way too late when he starts that old “It’s not you, it’s me” waffle, or you accidentally stumble across some unusual snapshots from his overseas “business trip.”
As a side note, if your man is unfaithful you can always hire a professional thug to rearrange his features, and, for an additional fee, jam a walking stick up his butt.
Of course, there is only one known cure for infidelity.
Seriously, though, if a man doesn’t measure up you should take immediate action.
You only have one life to live, and the clock is ticking.
You can’t afford to answer the door for every creep who comes knocking; you don’t have time to chase men who aren’t worth catching, and you certainly shouldn’t be fighting over them.
You should leave that sort of unseemly and childish display to men, who have nothing better to do.
But no matter what happens in your relationships, you must never forget that falling down and getting back up again is a part of life.
Even more importantly, you must never forget that only you are responsible for your happiness. No other person is necessary to completer you.
Think back to the times when you were truly happy – to when you felt you could do or be anything you wanted. Well, nothing has changed.
The world is still the same wonderful place it was when you were a little girl.
The only difference is now you are old enough, smart enough, confident enough, and strong enough to take on any challenge that life wants to throw at you and to realize your dreams on your terms.
There has never been a better time to be a woman in the history of the planet than right now. You can do whatever you want. Women are smashing through age-old barriers in every conceivable facet of life.
They are having more fun making and breaking rules than ever before. And what’s more, scientific studies show that kicking male chauvinist butt actually reduces cellulite!
Whether it’s qualifications, adventure, career, men or money, you can have as much as you want.
Hey, if you can visualize it – You can have it!
So why wait helplessly for the fate train to run you over?
Start your engines ladies, the world is yours.
Heed the spirit of those who went before you: “Attack, attack, attack!”
Get out there and take what’s yours.
Here’s the bottom line. If you are true to yourself and can love yourself for who you are, then other people will love you for who you are too and will treat you accordingly.
And by pursuing your dreams with passion, you will attract a man who is pursuing his dreams with passion – an enlightened, inspired man who will appreciate the real you.
When you run into this lucky individual, you’ll know it was meant to be.
(Hint: If you kiss him and it feel like your lips have been molested by a giant lemon, he ain’t the one.)
The sound of Mr. Right’s voice will make you feel dizzy with desire.
You’ll go weak at the knees when you see him. (And so will he.)
In his eyes you will always be glamorous and beautiful.
He will be someone you can grow old with (gracefully or otherwise).
Someone who will show you exactly how true love is meant to feel.
This is not a summer fantasy; this is reality. And what’s more, you deserve it!
Not because you’re the most graceful butterfly in the garden, but simply because you’re you, and you’re pretty damn fabulous!
At the end of the day, it’s your party. Enjoy it!
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