I'm taking off for home. Before it, I just want to say a "hello."
"Hello!"
I'm feeling kind of anxious... for wondering if I am really a responsibilty-uncapable person.
If not, why am I wanderering here all aone by myself in my drom in Tamshui while everybody else are getting together with their families?
Is loneliness a fact of everyone's life or just me? No certain answer for this, probably.
That's all right, a cup of tea calms me down, oh, it actually brings me up a little bit and makes me feel better. Tea is a good friend to have.
I do have a home there for me. It is just me that always feel reluctant to go back. And why is it? Sometimes I just feel it's too heavy for me. "Whom exactly the house belongs to?. . . Mom is getting old and the brother still doesn't get independent?. . . The brother goes crazy again. . . Who is going to pay the hospital? . . . And the insurance, the tax, the money for the ancestors . . .?"
Am I good enough just to take care of myself? Some money for home, some calls, . . .yeah, that's probably all I am capable for now.
But are we going to end up things like this leaving these important things unsloved forever?
I am borm in this famliy. It must mean somthing. . . It must have some lessons for me to learn rather than keep avoiding them. But what is it? What can I do?
My probelms are:
1. My brother is insane; he always wants things that are far too good and too expensive for him to have, a legitimate xp copy, for example. He can't afford it and he wants it. excuse me, ... but he wants things that he doesn't deserve. Try to be a little more fair, if I were him, I know it's hard, but I will pick any job, do it well and get independent, wash my own clothes, make some friends and have a life that I deserve for! I put my feet on the ground, work hard no matter what difficulty was on my way. I stick to it. I don't dream of anything that isn't mine.
2. My mother isn't good at managing money, either. If I were her, I will give my son a little and limited budget only. I will take care of my own health. I will be pious to take all comes to me. . .
Oh, Buddha, I will breath every of my last breathes your name. Please help me and help us to be wiser. Please help us.
I am good. And this is a good life I'm havong.
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