A required reading this Thursday course is ”Hong Kong, Canada” written by Tara Goldstein. Trigger my heartache... It is about an event happend at a high school in Toroto. But the author uses drama to talk about anti-racist education.
I saw the self-reflection in one character of this drama.
Wendy is a girl from Hong Kong. In the argument of English language only policy at school, she addresses.............
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The day after they enrolled me at Trudeau my father and mother left Toronto to go back to Hong Kong. The last words my mother said to me as she went through security gate at the airport were ”I want you to speak English.”
My mother wanted all the advantages that were avaliable to Canadian-born students to be available to me. To please her, I decided I would only speak English in school. And speaking English all day did open some doors. I had never gone camping before and did not know anyone else who had signed up for the trip. On that trip I met people who were born here and one or two became important friends for a while. But choosing to only speak English also closed some doors. I didn’t make any friends with people from Hong Kong.
Maybe they thought I can Canadian-born, juk-sin, a banada, white-washed. I miss speaking Cantonese.
My mother does now know the discomfort of trying to speak English all day, everyday. She is in Hong Kong where she can speak Cantonese. Some days my mouth, my cheeks, my lips hurt. When my mother tells me, ” I want you to speak English” she thinks only of the doors that might open. Not the doors that close. An English policy-only will close doors for those of us who speak other languages. Unable to say what we would like to say in English, some of us will remain silent. An English-only policy also closes doors for those of us who want to practice speaking other languages with sutdetns who already know them well. In the last few weeks, I have learned that the doors we have opened are someitmnes slammed shut by an unexpected force. It is prudent to keep as many doors open as possible.
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When I came to Canada, I decided to speak English everyday. It worked very well on my English language progress. But later, I found how lonely I am. I worked alone, went to school alone, ate alone. I have no friends. Later I started to make some friends and talk to them in Madarin. However, again, I found we are different. Taiwanese is different from Mainlander.
Because of the reality, the environment, we do change. After arriving this English environment, we do change to adjust this new environment. I am changing too. I pick up this langauge, but also pick up all the components which come with this langauge. The value, attitude, perspective, conception... and more. Who can really tell my changes? I am not a banada, I value Chinese culture. But I am not the ”old me.” Adjust to this western environment, I am put in an isolated environment. I observe people and learn how to deal with things in a way accepted by locals. I gain some, I lose some. To increase my self-confidence I speak up for myself. But could not go back to the old me who is shy and low self-esteem. I heard my screaming of surviving in the gap of two cultures. I screamed for help, but only got ignorance. Looking for the hope, but only helpless. Only the One reach out His hands and touch me. The voice is firm and powerful, ”Come here, I know you, I understand it. I know all the things you went through. You can put all your burden on me. I am here for you.”
Does everyone go through the same process? I doubt. Before coming Canada, I saw those people with big smile when talking about study abroad. All happiness, fun, and excitment. When the value challenge them, how did they handle it? Hanging there, fighting for their own value or just embrace the new value? I do not know. But I do know that I have a safe net when I was falling. I have a big hand to hold me when I am forsaken.
Photo: From CBC NEWS
Saturday’s lunar eclipse best seen by sky watchers in eastern Canada, U.S.
March 2,2007
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