Question of Real Me
Physically, I am 5 feet 4 inches, 123 pounds, female with black hair and black eyes.
Socially, I am single, working in a miserable industry and living in Taipei City.
Psychologically, I am normal about 98 percent of time with only 2 percent of insanity.
Then, there is a question of what is "real me".
In this world, I have a name, but the name is not important. I am the oldest child in my family. I come from a family where my parents are always fighting like dog and cat. At the age 7, I wished they would get divorced. Under Chinese customs, divorce was out of the question. No matter how many girl friends that my Dad has, he and my Mom still boned by a marriage paper. He moved away when I was 16. I don't hate him. I love my parents because I accept them as my parents.
Being the oldest child in the family, I never understand why I would have as many as three sisters and one brother when our parents' marriage was falling apart. Although we have lots of fun together now, when I think back I see that it was not the case when we were younger.
When my brother got into physical fights with my younger sisters, I was the one who had pulled them off. If anyone saw those fingernail-marks on us, they might think of child abuse and report to police immediately. When my sister ran away from home at the age of 14, I was the one who had to make sure she would return home soon. As the oldest, I have set the example for the others, while I have no idea what I need to do.
Before I turned to 19, I got into fight with my Mom and decided become financially independent, so I can break away from her emotional and financial control. I ran out of my home that summer with two luggages and my car. At that time, my family's business was very good, and my Mom was making very good money. It makes one to wonder how much money and power can change a change people, especially my Mom.
When I declared financial independence, I did not have any savings, and my savings account has a balance of less than 100 US dollars. My Mom thought I might go back to her to beg her for money, but I didn't. I borrowed "Emergency Fund" from the school to pay for my first quarter's tuition, and I used“cash advance”on my credit card to pay for my first month of rent and living expenses. That year, I had two part-time jobs. Of course that was not enough. Thank God that I was eligible for a couple thousand in student loans.
That four years of college life was very memorable. I learned how to date, drink, dance, and party, and of course I earned myself a Chemistry degree.
When I think back, all those struggle and twisted episodes actually have made all of us stronger, and we, the siblings, have all graduated from universities. And every time when someone mentioned the term "Cash Advance", somewhere inside me would click.
I have to admit, it is fun to be in this world; and to be the person who I am today, I guess it must be destiny.
那 殘缺與悲傷 指的是我老爸
那女強人的背後有我老媽的影子
而我就是那中不中西不西的問題人物
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