I've spent 365 days in the USA, and it is worthwhile to spend a moment here to clear up my mind in front of the keyboard.
I still remember the first shot of USA upon my innocent brain - how it is different from my old imagination, and in particular, people here. I've learnt so much here, and the complexity and richness I am exposed to overwhelmed and inspried me so much, that, I think I am a different person sometimes. I am terrified by the thought that I will be defined as someone from antoher place when I am back to the penisular I was from. People may not recognize me anymore, and I am a foreigner. The lack of security feel makes me strive on the other hand. I understand that only true knowledge can persist, and can help me to regain any power. From a fool who never went insdie the kitchen, to someone who learnt how to hold a knife properly, and to a real person who knows how to cook. Real basics, man. It is ridiculous how dependent I was sometimes.
The year itself serves as a filter - a filter of relationships. I got the most precious opportunity to think about my deeds before without people involved distrubance. I get a better unerstanding of who is important whenever I am alone here. Who came first into my mind? I couldn't cheat anyone. I have to be honest to myself those times. Increased coldness to some others is a compliment for all these. I don't mean to hurt anyone, but I know people may think I am insensitive. Perhaps I am. At times, I think I lost my feelings, my plans, my desire for anything already. I am just a body. Thanks God, intense connection with my past life I am keeping enables me to keep my soul from escaping.
For most of my life, I've been asking "why" to things happening around me. I am closer to the truth now, and I think it's the time for me to ask "how". Approaching the legal age of the definition "adult", I need to work on it in order to keep going indeed.
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