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2012-01-22 04:47:56| 人氣47| 回應0 | 上一篇 | 下一篇

maybe an answer for the old question

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I have asked myself...how hard I have to try, how tough I have to be and how much effort is reasonable?


The answer is to the amount that I, myself, literally think satisfies myself. So far, maybe I am greedy, but I am not happy about my outcome. What am I expecting if there is not much input? 

I have tried to find my own happiness for a long time. At the beginning, lying in bed every night and questioning myself every decision I made in the life, I cried and enclosed my mind not talking to anyone. At that time, I hate everyone in my life and hate the fact that there is no a hero saving me. Then, I found how fragile I am and fighting with every thought of pretending I am doing well. 

   My parents pushed me to the limit of being brave and independent, no matter how I am scared. I was trying holding myself and at the same time, I was leaded to my own mind of living in a life I like. While doing this, I realize I was not happy, even in that relationship. Being single, I know, I give up my safety blanket. The feeling of un-secure really drove me nuts for a long time. The fear toward inescts, darkness and loneliness all came to me and ate me alive.  However, I am proud of myself being able to do all this alone. 

   Everyone around me moves on and has a life they call being successful and productive. I can't be left out but catch them. I still have to face many problems and fears now. Hopefully, I can be a good performer of gymnastics-having good control/ balance between body and mind, catching the right moment of adjusting the position/strength and being focus/acting with purposefulness.


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