Another Country 他鄉異國

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Sometime I think that I have a broken soul. After so many years, I give up in looking for a soul mate. Yet I am in a relationship I don't know why. It may not be a right choice because I am not always happy in it. I always doubt that I am capable to love. It seems a joke made by Creater. Yes I know many things. Yes I can feel many but not be loved. I like to help people whom I call them friends. But I doubt they will do the same to me.

I always feel lonely. I don't think people understand me at all. And I don't think they want to. I am a lost child and also an abandoned old man.

I am not scared of being alone since I kind of am very used to it. However, I am not comfortable being lonely when I am with someone who seems not understands me. It is no one's fault. It is, just, meant to happen when I step into the world. I don't think I belong anywhere though I still tried to find a place to stay.

If it is a must to blame someone, it must be me. I should never be here. I should never dream of happiness. I am so stupid to believe that I deserve that.

I have no a human heart so I should live not a human life. Yet I pretend I can live among people. I can keep pretending. Afterall, it is one of my best talents. Only few persons know the real me that is a monster. Please don't judge me. Please don't judge what I have done or what I am going to do. Please understand that I never intend to hurt people. But, in the end, people around me get hurts. Everytime.

I say sorry to this world. Sooner or later, I will make up my mind to make this world a better one in which I am not in it.