The unbearable pain in my life
The screen freezes on the picture when Marley lying sickly in the bed, staring at far away. This is a plot of the movie “Marley and Me,” in which the dog is in its end of life, waiting to say goodbye to its short journey. Watching this scene reminded me what my friend had said in her last e-mail: At the moment I am doing well but am tired, so that I don't feel like doing anything. So I just sit at the window and enjoy the spring colors, the blue sky, and the shimmering pond. So deep can I understand her feeling through her words, that she is waiting for her moment to come, just Like Marley, and enjoying her last tranquility in the shimmering light.
I just wish I could be as calm as she was; so do I wish to respect her last wish to die in loneness. But I can’t. I wish right now I were beside her taking care of her, Not at all do I want to accept or desire the fact that she is going to die. Watching Marley dying made me cry again. This is unbearable pain to me as I am about to lose one of my best friends.
Sometimes some persons possess more important positions than others, even your relatives. It is because a lot they have contributed their feelings and helps to you. That is how Christ means to me, an important section in my memory. Like a mother, she took care of me, allowed me to live in her house freely, made breakfast for me every morning, and drove me to the station to catch the MRT every day. She was both a friend and a life tutor to me. We enjoyed talking about homework and life, much of which we did not agree on and argued all the time. Nevertheless, much as she loved to argue with me, she forgave me easily when I broke her little finger by accident. We met when she was in the beginning of her divorce and my life abroad, and through hardship and happiness, we developed our friendship. This friendship last even after I went back home, and together she and my family had a trip in Yellow Stone Park.
Who would have known our last meeting was arranged because she had a cancer and decided to end the chemo treatment? Who would have thought only this short chance could I have to say goodbye to her? We met in the same MRT station where she had driven me to catch the train. In a red cotton-padded jacket, she came to pick me up to her house for the goodbye-trip. I knew she wished me to remember her in this pretty look, so she could leave me in dignity.
How sorry I feel now for not visiting her one year earlier！ So many things that we intended to do, to visit the northern light in Alaska, to see her birthplace in German, have become impossible now. I always think we still have plenty of time. Not enough time do I have now except regrets left to be fulfilled, and so is my regret to express my hurt toward losing her. How I wish I had visited her earlier, done things we intended to do, or debated with each other once again！Why would people remember to cherish someone they care only after they are going to lose them? Words fail to describe my feeling now since so important is she to me. I could only wish she ends her life in ease and calm as she expects. And with this essay, I honor our friendship, what she has done for me, and keep her in my mind.
