Time running really fast, esp. during my last days here. Dunno y, dunno how, 2 many uncertainties, including my emotion, my future, my plan, my wants……
Days after exam, just like what I planned, sending out CVs, finding jobs, going diving, doing agencies visits, hanging out w/ my gd fds, attending interviews….. tmr finally comes, my 4 mths exchange period is over, very complicated emotions, no need to wait for tmr, tears already could not stop falling…….
For the whole May, every one start leaving one by one, making me feeling very bad when it seems that I become the only one being left behind. Friends from HK, fds fm Holland, fd from France, fds from mainland China, fds from here. When farewell and separations happened again n again, my emotion kept on fluctuating in order to face w/ this.
ZR, I really didn’t know that u would be the one making my emotion fluctuate so much. Remember our last CL practice b4 exam? Remember our way on the bus to clementi? U were already the first one ever who made me to face separation. I really didn’t noe that I would be a special fd to u as well, actually I tot that u were only forced by nat to accompany me; we didn’t hv any “overnite” talks; besides our first outing, u never sent me home; we didn’t really talk much on msn; u said u would help me to find job, but I dun think u did anything, besides proofreading my resume? cos u were still so busy after exam, u kept breaking e promises, level 3 ghost hunting @ changi hospital? Sushi buffet from my safe Bangkok trip? Cos it seems that we r not really that close, I was very surprised when u were the one who gave me the big surprise: getting all the fds to come over, try ur best to take me to a place I hvn’t been to. Remember the day we separated at the bus stop after we went to labrodor park? I really tot that it was our last meeting, it seems that it was so rush to say goodbye, at least I didn’t give u a goodbye hug, or saying any farewell talks. Or may be I should say I was so unwilling to face the separation scene, I hate to face it directly, I noe I couldn’t stand any sorrow. I couldn’t stop crying. That’s y I was very happy when I saw u guys coming over the same nite, at least we could have a proper farewell. I am very glad to know that how much u care about me, when the morning u sent nat back to take care of me, when he told me how sad u were, I started my sorrow day, msgs, phone calls, even thoughts about u brought my tears out right away, then I realized how deep our friendship really is. There’s never anyone give me so much care b4, show me how importance I am and where my dignity lies.
Nat, I really dunno how to thx for everything u did to me. Your patience to solve my irritating Qs, our nite talks, the little presents, the study days, the outings……. Everything everything, u were so heartful n considerated to give me the best things. But u noe u really spoil me? The better u care me, the worse I treat u. Sometimes I really hate myself of not treasuring what I hv, but I really hope that u also understand the way I am doing. Really, is for the best of all of us.
I luv u 2, my forever CL buddies, I dunno when we will meet again, or if our friendship will still be there when we meet. I hate to say goodbye, tears must be accompanied every time when the last day comes. I should be used to it, somehow, but it surprised me how I chose to react to it this time. I dunno if it is really rational to do such a thing, anyway, I m already walking on this path, although we all still dunno what’s ahead, I have already tried my very best to plan my route, we all should accept n feel regretless whatever the result is, right?
Take care, my Singaporean gd fds, 3 mths should pass very fast, n we should keep on enjoying our own lives. Enjoy CL, remember u2 bear the responsibility to enjoy it for me as well. I wish I could hv the chance to wear the NUS CL uniform to perform one day. Lets looking fwd to Sept, then we will know how our future will be.
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