cuz i said so

72愛的鼓勵 0訂閱站台

2005. 06. 13

N狠氣 而且很兇
掛完我電話
寫了一封信來
反正就是說 我要是要act like a jealous school girl, lets not hang out
還說I do not need any bullshit in my life, so if that's what you're about now, take it elsewhere.
放狠話就對了
但是放狠話的同時 還有一堆氣話 說我去hampton當rich guy's pool decoration
這句話好氣喔 但是很有創意 I have to say

anyways, 我回了一封 好長好長的信
是的 one page.
也不知道他看不看的下去
因為肯定文法錯一堆
oh well
I tried.

_________________________________________________________________

I turned down some plans because I thought I was going to hang out with you. I wasn’t sure how long you would keep me on hold when you didn’t pick up the phone and didn’t call me back. If I knew you would reply me in a timely manner, I wouldn’t change my plan. Sometimes you kept me hanging for so many hours that I couldn’t make plans with my friends.

When you did not pick up the phone and did not reply in an hour, I just thought you were with another girl. I just assumed that I was a back up plan. And I didn’t wanna be like that. I just assumed that you can call any girl on your phone list when you finished your date with another girl. How can you expect someone who really likes you to completely trust you when you keep reminding her she is just one of your girls?

And yes, I am jealous. I wouldn’t be jealous if I don’t care about you. I wouldn’t be jealous if I’m playing around like you. But I thought I’ve handled my jealousy pretty well. I’ve tried to keep the uncomfortable feelings to myself and learn to deal with it if you ever care.

If I’m acting like some cocky stupid bitch, why bother text messaging you telling you I miss you, which took me a lot of courage to say b/c I really don’t wanna act like a fool. Do you know how much I wish you were there with me but I didn’t even dare to tell you cuz again, I don’t wanna act like a fool. I told my friends that I texted you that and they said I was an idiot. A lot of times I don’t know if I should just follow my heart or I should play games like everybody does. Whatever I did was wrong.

No, technically speaking, you don’t break your plans. But I really don’t want to wait for your call until Sunday nite and then come to your place at like 1130. I don’t wanna be your booty call. And I learned from the past experience that you would wait until I called you to let me know that you actually cant make it.

My phone was not with me b/c I did it on purpose. I put my cell phone away because I knew I would wait for your call and check it like every sec as long as it’s with me. I decided to let you do your things and I’ll do my own things if that’s what you want. I tried not to bother you all the time and I also tried to do something to prevent these things from screwing up my mind.

Before accusing me inconsiderate, think of how I felt when you kept telling me “ I’m definitely dating many girls”, “ don’t be too serious”, “ don’t get too attached.” All these, I know. But what’s the point of keeping saying that. You made me feel you are so afraid of me. You are so afraid that I don’t get the fact that you don’t like me; don’t get it that I am just a girl in rotation. You should know how much I like you and how much it takes for me to listen to those words over and over again. I guess I am not considerate and mature enough to realize that someone who sees me as one of the Asian toy would really care about me.

No one wants any bullshit in his/her life. I understand what you need to deal with every day. And Im really speechless if you think I’m one of those BS. I guess after all, I am a fool and I’ve been defending our feeling to each other for nothing all along.