cuz i said so

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Claire-

This email really touched me. I am sorry it took me so long to reply. I
guess I just couldn't find the words. I really enjoyed the time we were
together and truly regret the way that it ended. You are a very special
person - to be so funny in your second language, and so sexy without
taking yourself too seriously- that is unique.

Sometimes I feel I am 2 people - the affectionate, funny guy you knew
from being intimate with me and the rampaging asshole you saw at Marquee.
These two sides are always at war with each other. Maybe once in a while you
could see it within me...most people find me to be so complex b/c I act
differently at different times. I wish they could see what was happening
inside me.

In some ways I am a hopeless romantic and in others a hopeless asshole.
I do wish to be in love again and wonder if I have become too guarded, too
much of a "player," to let it happen. I hope not.

I hope you are well, and I hope you know that I cared about you and
cherished you, and that I am sorry for the way things turned out.

Love,

Nathan



今天晚上又睡不著覺 翻來覆去的
最近日夜顛倒很嚴重
是個torture
因為會有很多的想念 無法控制的想念
在睡不著的夜晚一一浮現
每一個睡不著的晚上
都好像有刀子在割著我的心

很怕明天又無法上班
所以今晚決定起來玩iBook

雖然我一直告訴自己 有勇氣寫信 就要有勇氣面對他不回信
只是 我也一直相信 如果那個我喜歡過的他 是一部份真正的他 他"suppose"會回信
漸漸的 我以為這又是我眾多以為中的以為


抱著又要失落的心情收信
沒想到就看到等了兩個星期的回信
一封凌晨四點多的回信

果然總是在出期不意的時候才會收到信
今天晚上是我這陣子以來少有的沒有期待when reading mails

這封信 可以在讓我撐過一陣子吧....i hope
可以讓我撐到看到陽光的那一天嗎? 希望會

well, no matter what
是解脫
是解脫






終於知道無論如何都要相信自己的C.....