It’s been quite a long time I haven’t had anything posted up here. All this while, I’ve been posted in my new English and Japanese blog -
http://dada83.blogspot.com. Yea, a blog that is so mysterious, secretive, and lonely which I bet none of my friends have visited it.
Tonight, I’m so miserable and in desperate need of advice. Advice, I need advice from you. With the hope of getting responses from you all, I posted this both in my dada83.blogspot and here.
It’s been a busy day - working half day and took half day leave to attend a job interview, as well as attend the farewell dinner of a colleague who’s leaving next week. Of course, it was not only dinner. Someone poppped up with the idea of going to karaoke, but we all ended compromising with a movie at Queensbay.
The movie started at 9.15pm, and expected to finish by 11pm. 11pm! Gosh, it’s been quite a long time I never hang out till that late, and definitely not with a motorbike. So, I rang home and told my sister I’ll be going back late tonight. Less than a minute after I hung up the phone, my mum called and asking me to go home straight away. I would have blown up if this happen in few years back. But, no, I didn’t blow up. I do understand how my parents feel about me going home late night riding a motorbike. I’ve had worried about my sisters who came home late. I know exactly what kind of feeling that is.
I went silent for more than a minute, I just didn’t know what to do. My colleagues had been trying to persuade me to go karaoke for more than 15 minutes, which I felt so uncomfortable with. Then, we compromised with going for a movie. And right at the time my mum insisted that I should go home, my boss walked towards me with the tickets in his hand. Eventually, I watched the movie, and thinking about my parents worrying back there at home.
Soon after the movie finished, I quickly rode my motorbike home. I was riding at the speed of 80km per hour. That’s lightning speed, at least it is for me who is riding on a motorbike. I wasn’t worried about getting scolded, I no longer worry about being scolded for my mistakes or faults by my parents for quite some time. I was really sad for making my parents worrying about me.
I used to think that I’m old enough and matured enough to take charge of my life. Tonight, first time since I went to study in Australia, I don’t think I’m good enough, old enough and matured enough to take charge of my life. I don’t even know how to say NO to things that I don’t like or I don’t want to do.
It’s kind of stupid to be bothered by myself thinking that others seeing me as mummy’s or daddy’s little girl. But, I do care about it, and very much indeed. I don’t want to be mummy’s little girl nor daddy’s little girl. I always wanted to give the impression to others that I’m a matured young woman, who take charge of my own life, who never have to ask for permission to hang out late, who make decision for every single thing in life. How stupid I am and how naive I am to think so?!
I just wanna to say sorry - Dad, mum, I’m so sorry that I made you worried. Sorry.
