小愛‧陽光加州海 記錄我們在南加州的生活 小愛的懷孕記事請見http://aichan.wordpress.com

302愛的鼓勵 0訂閱站台

I can feel the girl’s frustration over the phone.

When she said, “You know what? Just disregard this phone call.” I felt guilty. I wanted to do something but didn’t know how. When things don’t go smoothly as we thought, you can either live with that or find a better solution. At this situation, I just don’t think there’s much we can do.

Yet I felt guilty - but, why?

Similar one happens before. I did my part, but the other person didn’t. when the third party found something’s wrong and question me, I helped as much as I can. However, the words toward me were not friendly. I felt bad and guilty, even I knew I try to do my best.

I was upset after talking to the girl earlier today. When I rethought what our conversation was, I knew I did offer to help and try to help. Yet I can’t forget how the girl said “Just disregard it.”

I trust my own judgment. When I do something wrong and feel guilty, I know I deserve all the consequences. When I do noting wrong but still feel the guilt, I wonder where the feeling is coming from.

Maybe I just want to avoid the conflicts. Maybe I feel even there’s nothing to do with me, as long as someone admits the mistake and others have someone to blame to, then everything will be all right. Everyone will live happily after.

“Is that true?!” I ask the inner me. “I don’t know. I just suddenly think about it. Maybe sometimes you need to bring your own justice.” She shrugs.